Contour
newbie
Reged: 06/26/10
Posts: 41
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Been legally divorced 4 month, but separated for 3.
We lived together even a month after it was signed off.
We had an "amicable" divorce. No hard feelings, no "my ex screwed me over", none of that.
We live in different states now. We are still friends. Main reasons for divorce - disagree about how to raise our kid, she didn't like my lifestyle, and she thought she wanted to move back home.
So here I am staying with my mom, she and our son stay with room mates.
She is having serious problems with her family. Me, I am having serious problems with income and life in general. None of our own present problems can be blamed on each other.
Few weeks ago, she calls upset saying she is thinking of moving back to my state. Of course I rudely said, "Well you ain't staying with me..." She didn't really bring it up after that. Of course we still talk.
Anyways, I am having crazy thoughts that maybe divorce was not the best choice. We didn't hate each other, no abuse involved, no affairs, etc.
I do think if we both agreed, we could be together again. I know for both of us, things would have to change but we could talk. I have not mentioned how I feel. I think the biggest reason she left is cause I have a habit of pushing people away. She mentioned that several times.
Am I having these thoughts just cause I am lonely, depressed, struggling, etc...? Shouldn't 3 months be enough time to get over it? I don't hurt every minute but it happens often.
Suppose we did get back together, would it just be the same problems as before and a second split WOULD get ugly (unlike the first)?
The thing that plays over and over in my mind is how she loved me but I never really loved her back, just took things for granted. How she would want to go out and do something but I was always too busy with stupid crap.
The small problems we had don't seem to matter.
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Curmudgeon
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 2002
Loc: MO Ozarks
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Sounds like you've learned some valuable lessons. However, 90 days is a very short period of time to get over the loss of a marriage and the loss of daily contact with your child. Resurrecting a marriage that went sour should not be something either of you rush into.
Take time to breathe and sort out your feelings. If you still think recconciling is doable and in all three of your best interests, start slow with couples counseling and explore it from there.
Good luck, however it turns out!
--------------------
What me worry. I'm retired!
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Curt551
journeyman
Reged: 03/23/10
Posts: 82
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Do you love her? Are you willing to change (always easier to talk about than actually do)? Does she love you and is she willing to change? If the answer is yes all the way around then I'd be inclined to 'date' again and see what happens.
If a marriage can work, and the couple actually love one another, I am all for it working.
Best wishes :)
Curt
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