newandbetterlife
recently joined
Reged: 07/20/10
Posts: 12
Loc: Canada
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Hi,
I am new here, and this forum seems to have a lot more activity than the name one...
Background: Almost a year ago, my STBx announced that he was done with our 14 year marriage. We had been together 17 years. I was 20 when we got married...changed my name. We don't have kids. Since the "announcement" I (with the help of my friends & family) got the house ready to sell, sold the house, paid off some debt, drafted a sweetheart separation agreement - for him, which he refused to sign...even though he verbally agreed to the terms of the agreement, (apparently he couldn`t find a witness in the state he currently lives in....), refused to respond to me or my lawyer. As a result I was forced to declare personal bankruptcy, since he refused to respond or pay even a portion of the huge debt his spending had caused. He has been served with the divorce papers, and his 40 days to respond is almost up. At this point, I think it is unlikely that he will, so the divorce should be just pushed through by the judge...
As a result, I am very inclined to change my name back to my maiden name. The one mitigating factor, is that my entire adult life I have been Mrs X, and all my clients and referral partners know me as X. I am very concerned about the impact on my work...as I receive almost all of my business by word of mouth, and my name is everything in my line of work.
I am wondering, if anyone out there has any experience with the impact returning to your maiden name can have on a word-of-mouth business...can anyone offer any advice? Emotionally & mentally, I really want no contact or reminder of this idiot... However, I do not want to end up losing out on business and taking another major financial hit.
TIA
newandbetterlife
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1004SRS
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/11/06
Posts: 5044
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I took back my maiden name. I don't recommend it if you are known in your business world as Ms. X. It would have been easier for me to keep my married name, but I made this decision in a fi of anger.
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Kris10Kinn
recently joined
Reged: 03/20/10
Posts: 7
Loc: Connecticut, USA
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I didn't change mine back for nearly the same reason; I didn't want it to impact my professional life. Good luck, it gets easier. I was married for 14 years too...
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KiwiGirl
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/09/05
Posts: 6271
Loc: Plains State
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Maybe you could hyphenate your maiden name onto the end of your present last name. And as people get used to it you could drop it in a couple of years.
My sister slowly gravitated back to her maiden name. It took a number of years but she got there. She has a daughter who lives with her 24/7 and she discussed it with her first (niece = 15yrs old) She didn't mind at all seeing her father has treated her and her mother like bad memories.
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If I can't be part of the solution I insist on being most of the problem
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Curmudgeon
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 2002
Loc: MO Ozarks
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When my wife divorced her former husband she kept his last name since they had two daughters with that name as well. When she and I married, 18 years later, she wanted to continue to use her former married name for professional reasons. I wasn't having it. Had it been her maiden name, that was one thing. Her former married name was something else again.
Thankfully, we were in the same profession, politics, and in the same policy area so my name wasn't entirely unknown in many of the same circles. For awhile, on telephone calls, she'd say, "You know me as Peggy_____ but I've married and am now Peggy _____. In written correspondence she'd sometimes put her former name in parenthesis after her new married name. In time, she was recognized with her new name and all was well. The shift only resulted in some minor confusion for awhile.
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What me worry. I'm retired!
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Curt551
journeyman
Reged: 03/23/10
Posts: 82
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I think hyphenation is the compromise. You can then make another change later without penalty beyond the expense associated with name changes in general. I requested that my x change her name back to her maiden name which is one of the few things she agreed to haha.
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