hallow
recently joined
Reged: 07/31/10
Posts: 1
|
|
I tried to find an introduction link alas I didnt see one so I created my own.My name is hallow.I am also on divorcesupport.com .My husband and I got married at 19 and were married for 10 years.I saw several stories and I want to share my own even if noone responds at least I can get this out.3 years ago my husband had an affair I left for a month and half and lived with my parents in texas.He came to texas and begged me to come back and yea I did.He never admitted to the affair but the red flags were everywhere as well as other things like love letters.I loved him so much though I forgave it I just wanted him he was my soulmate (or so I thought).So it was brushed under the rug. In early december of 09 I found out the new place he was working at also employed the woman he had been involved with years before.I asked him if he knew about this and if so why didnt we talk about it.But of course he did his typical emotional manipulation and abuse tactic.We hardly ever fought maybe once a year but when we did it was never fair he would refuse to talk to me or touch me for days into weeks.Leaving me in emotional torture and limbo until he decided he wanted to be my husband again.So this past december when he pulled that again I lasted for 4 days before I finally decided I couldnt go through that kind of suffering anymore.It finally hit me this was not a healthy relationship and the way he treats me was never going to change.So I moved back to texas(again) and have been living here for over 6 months now.I moved through the shock,denial and anger parts of this.Then he showed up in the beginning of june and did the begging thing again .I went to dinner with him but I just needed to know I truly didnt want to be with him anymore .By the time dinner was over I knew I didnt feel the same way about him anymore and did not want to be with him.Now this has thrust me headfirst into the depression part of my grieving process now its in my face all my history and happiness(because there were alot of happy times too) with him gone.I also felt guilty because I made him cry and it killed me to see him cry.I dont know why because there were so many nights he watched me cry and was not moved at all in fact he looked at me like he was disgusted with me.I tried to sleep in the geust bedroom but he would make me lay next to him in our bed with his back to me not touching me or talking to me .Its like he had to know he was punishing me.I know I am doing the right thing by divorcing him but I really wish I could stop missing the memory and dream of our life together.I dunno I hate this Im ready to wake up and not have a single thought about him or our life we had.Im ready to just know I can like someone again Im not ready to date or anything but it would just be nice to know I wasnt so emotionally numb that I can actually like someone again.
--------------------
I still remember the smile when you tore me apart
Edited by hallow (07/31/10 04:14 PM)
|
Curmudgeon
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 2002
Loc: MO Ozarks
|
|
You pretty much hit on the key issues, Hollow. You're not mourning the loss of him or the marriage to him. You're mourning the loss of who you thought he was and how marriage to him was going to be. It's about lost plans, dreams and expectations.
All in good time this will pass and you'll be well on your way to becoming whole again.
--------------------
What me worry. I'm retired!
|
ByHisGrace
newbie
Reged: 09/10/06
Posts: 27
|
|
You husband was most certainly inflicting emotional abuse on you. And, like you seem to have already figured out, I don't think it would stop. At least, not without lots of couples counseling... and maybe not even then.
I think Curmudgeon nailed it. Those dreams and memories are hard to let go of. The younger you are when you leave an abusive relationship, the easier I think it is to recover and move on. Please don't stay too long.
There is no easy way out. Feel the sadness when it comes and then release it. Recovery is a process. One day, it will all seem like a distant memory.
I do think "no contact" makes the recovery faster.
Your situation will require a lot of emotional healing. This man has hurt you on so many levels. Seek counseling for yourself if possible. Surround yourself with people who love you and uplift you.
My very best wishes for a complete recovery and a happy future. Both are completely possible!
--------------------
"Once you realize that life is basically ridiculous, you can relax and enjoy it!"
|
VanajaGhose
newbie
Reged: 11/14/09
Posts: 40
Loc: Ontario, Canada
|
|
Hallow,
It is heart wrenching when our hopes, dreams and trust turn to dust - and I really feel for you. Hang in there - you've made it through six months - yay! another 6 months will pass and then another. Getting over a betrayal of trust takes TIME - and the emotional process is draining (fear, anger, grief, guilt, loneliness...).
But yes, you will be able to let go and trust again, one day. In the mean time, just take good care of yourself. I wouldn't advise going out on dates yet - way too soon. Spend time with your friends and family, and do things that you enjoy (hobbies?)
As for your husband - he is manipulating you - I hope you can see that.
Hang in there, hon!
Vanaja
Teleseminar, Aug. 10, 8 pm (ET): How to deal with Conflicts effectively
Divorcedtodazzling.com/teleseminars/
--------------------
Vanaja Ghose
Professional Life Coach
DivorcedToDazzling.com
|
|
0 registered and 4 anonymous users are browsing this forum.
Moderator: dsAdmin
Print Topic
|
Forum Permissions
You cannot start new topics
You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled
UBBCode is disabled
|
Rating:
Topic views: 1472
|
|
|
|
|
|
UBB.threads™ 6.5.1.1
|
Easily Connect With a Lawyer or Mediator
Have Divorce Professionals from Your Area Contact You!
|
|
|
|
|
The information contained on this page is not to be considered legal advice.
A local counsel or professional should always be consulted in regards to any legal matters.
"a passion for a better divorce℠" - established in 1996
© 1996 - 2013 Divorce Source, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
