Dannygirl
journeyman
Reged: 12/28/04
Posts: 50
Loc: Austin Tx
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My daughter ( 4 years old ) told me last night " my daddy said that when I get older that i can go live wiht him" Needless to say I was upset :mad: that he was telling her this stuff.
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Onyx
old hand
Reged: 08/03/04
Posts: 816
Loc: Buffalo NY
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Just ignore it. You dont need him getting mad at her for repeating it. NCPs say this sometimes. Just tell her that Daddy and Mommy love her, and that you would both love to have her ALL of the time... but this is the way it is right now (her living with you) and that you cherish every minute just as her Daddy does. Cant go wrong with that answer, can ya? ;) Good luck. Blessings, Onyx
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"Don't Make Me Get My Flying Monkeys"
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Devious
recently joined
Reged: 01/03/05
Posts: 10
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Yeah... all you need to say is "Well that's true sweetie, when you're old enough to make that decision, you can. But right now, you live with Mommy and Mommy takes the beeeeeestest care of you" and hug and tickle her or something.
I have a 5-1/2 yr old daughter... and sometimes it's best to just let the truth be the truth. Something like what your daughter said isn't going to actually need to be dealt with for another 8+ years.
As far as what your ex is telling her... let his actions speak louder than his words. As long as he is not abusive of her, or speaking abusively of you to her... she will figure things out on her own. Kids are a lot smarter than many adults give them credit for.
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Onyx
old hand
Reged: 08/03/04
Posts: 816
Loc: Buffalo NY
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The only thing I have a problem with him telling her this is her age. She shouldnt have to worry about that now... BUT in Dad's defense.... Im sure he dreams of a day that his child will want to live with him. Who wouldnt? We dont know if this Dad was very active in his childs life...looks to me as though he was. Its natural, and I dont think that there is anyone here that is a NCP that wouldnt feel that way. I think this parent needs to keep the playing field even and include and acknowledge what the Dad says too. She doesnt need to tell her that Mommy takes the bestest care of her. Im not trying to override your advice, but from the sounds of things, maybe she should tell her about Mommy and Daddy both love you and want to have you ALL of the time... but for now..... Mommy is taking care of you. Just my 2 cents.... repsectfully, Onyx
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"Don't Make Me Get My Flying Monkeys"
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sparky
enthusiast
Reged: 11/16/04
Posts: 289
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I agree with all the others posts here. It seems he just loves her an has wishful thoughts, hopefully, but I also hope he isn't saying it out of spite or anger. I can see though it is something she is too young to have to deal with. I am not making light of your issue, but it seems like he just might be a pretty good dad, but not considering really what he is saying.
My ex - to our 2.5 yr old - constantly prompts him to say "I love daddy", "I love daddy".
Now, my son talks and expresses himself well on his own(I get I Love You's without prompts - Na! Na!)
It's quite annoying to hear a parent force a child to say these things.
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Devious
recently joined
Reged: 01/03/05
Posts: 10
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I see what you mean. I didn't mean that she should say that and make it look like he DOESN'T take good care of her... I meant say that in a way that the little girl still feels ok with the fact that she lives with Mommy instead... verses feeling guilty that her Daddy is sad she doesn't live with him.
It's a subconscious choice that an adult asks a child to make with a statement like that.
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Onyx
old hand
Reged: 08/03/04
Posts: 816
Loc: Buffalo NY
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Very true... thanks for not taking my comments the wrong way, I was worried about it. Blessings, Onyx
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"Don't Make Me Get My Flying Monkeys"
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mbutcher
recently joined
Reged: 01/05/05
Posts: 20
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I agree that you should take the comments with a grain of salt, it was probably harmless wishing. Your 4 year old probably didn't think much of it either and will forget about it the next day. I can relate because things become magnified when parents are trying to co-parent, we become offended by things the other parent says because we think it is an attempt to try and degrade us as a parent. I am trying to catch myself doing that and say it was probably harmless, becuase right now I don't need the added stress.
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Devious
recently joined
Reged: 01/03/05
Posts: 10
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No need to worry at all :) I don't get offended easily, ever :)
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aussie928
old hand
Reged: 10/29/04
Posts: 969
Loc: Dallas
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g'day luv. My friends daughter says to her one day ( she is 8) daddy said you dont like me but he loves me. She said you know that is not true I love you very much and the wee one said I know that. Then she said daddy loves you too. So the wee one says I just want to know if the next time daddy says this if I can tell him he is a liar. She said well...since that is a lie yes you may. Wee ones are a lot smarter then we give them credit for. With all this bloke has done, my friend says not one bad word about her ex..she said no matter what he has done, my daughter loves her father and unfortunately she will figure out his true colors in time. For now I want her to believe..kinda like she believes about the Easter Bunny. I liked this
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