lilliana77
recently joined
Reged: 09/24/10
Posts: 1
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There has been about 10 times my husband and I have gotten into fights which have ended up being physical. For the last 2 years my husband had really learnt how to deal with his anger and to not to be violent when we get into a disagreement. However what led up to this two years ago was when my husband decided to lock my children out of the house and not let them in after a heated conversation we had gotten in. The night before we had gotten into a huge fight and was really fearing for my and my children's safety. I had to have a friend go and get my children and bring them to my work for me. That day I decided to leave in fear that this was never going to change. My husband was constantly threatening me that he would leave me with nothing and kick me to the curb with no regrets. Out of fear and frustration I turned to my husbands ex wife for advice. My husband and her have children together which they shared custody of. She was constantly throwing things out there such as, "I have people who can help you and I have been in your shoes." at soccer games and event when my husband was not around. I thought she may be able to help me get out the safest way. I emailed her,"HUGE MISTAKE", and told her I was leaving and needed advice. I told her about a few of the incidents with my husband. She emailed me her stories as well. I left for 2 weeks and then we began some counseling and things got better, A LOT better. No more outbursts, no more physical fights, no more yelling and controlling, this lasted for two years. Now my husbands ex wife has hired an attorney to take my husbands kids from him, she is using my emails to seal the deal. My husband is so irate, rightfully so. We have done everything to show he is not that person but it did not matter, they took the boys until he finishes a 26 week anger mngmt program. Until he finishes he can not have the boys overnights. I feel awful, I don't know what to do to make it up to him...
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6462
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He is IRATE because his own actions in 2 marriages with 2 sets of kids mean that he has to take an anger management course ?
That is NOT a case of 'rightfully so'
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1004SRS
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/11/06
Posts: 5044
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You alomst sound like an abused wife. You know what is right and what is wrong. Abusing you and his children was not right. You can't lock children out of their house overnight.
An anger managemnt program sounds like a good deal for everyone.
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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Sooo typical, you screwed your hubby over and now you are sorry.
Why in gods name does he continue to pay your bills ? Classic case of justified spousal abuse, you should end up with both eyes blacked OUT.
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6462
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Ignore yregna, he's our village idiot.
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MrsB
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/03/10
Posts: 6355
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I don't blame his ex for doing that at all. What mother would willingly put her children in a situation where there is abuse after getting out of it herself with the SAME MAN - she went through it with your husband, you went through it with the same man. She is likely looking at this from a perspective that he hasn't changed yet, he didn't change with her, why should she believe he's changed now?
He needs the anger management classes and if he wants to set things right, he will take this seriously and do what he needs to do to be a good husband and father and provide a safe home for his children.
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RebeccaFein
newbie
Reged: 08/04/11
Posts: 27
Loc: Georgia, USA
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What about this incident requires you to make something up to him? I would think the children would thank you as would the ex-wife. If the ex-wife can help you at all, I would encourage you to take the help and I would encourage him to go through the anger management course.
It's a sad state of affairs and it must be heart breaking for you to be experiencing this, but you have to understand that you don't need to own anyone's stuff but your own. I work really hard with my clients on this point because as women we are socialized to own everyone's baggage.
Let him deal with the consequences of his actions. The children were probably telling their mother about these incidents and she wasn't able to get collaboration until you sent the emails. In all likelihood you did her and those children a favor.
Now you do have to make some things up to YOURSELF! What is it about you that you don't value yourself enough to allow this man to put you through this much guilt and trauma for his own conduct? What is it about you that you think so little of yourself?
Rebecca Fein
Relationship Coach @Fein Life Coaching
[censored]://feinlife.webs.com
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You deserve to lead the fine life don't let ANYONE tell you differently!
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