bobbypin
recently joined
Reged: 01/06/11
Posts: 19
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I will give background information on my marriage so you will have a better understanding of why I just don't know what to ask for.
We have been married for 20 years. We have a disabled child, who functions at an infant level physically and cognitively, that has always required 24 hour care. She is also medically fragile which requires 24 hour skilled care and has since birth 19 years ago.
I have been a stay at home mom providing care for our 19 year old daughter I've just spoke of and our 17 year old son. I quit working when she was 10 months old because she was diagnosed with failure to thrive and refused to eat for anyone but me and was having uncontrolled seizures requiring me to be with her. My husband never had an interest in providing care and didn't care to learn how.
Six years ago we began receiving nursing in home to help me pick up the slack. She now receives 10 hours of nursing a day, which is a great help, but leaves me with 14 hours each day.
I am a CNA and have been able to find work with an agency working 12 hours a week at about $10/hr. I'm having difficulty finding more work during first shift. I've contemplated working 2nd and 3rd shift. 3rd shift is not an option. I would have to provide her care during 1st shift, instead of sleeping as that is when the majority of her care is required. It would not be in her best interest. Second shift is doable, but not in my son's best interest. But still doable if it comes down to it.
My husband's situation:
Quit his full time job earning $2600/month (net) this past Fall to work a part time job earning $1350/month (net). Child support has been imputed by his earning potential rather than what he is actually making now. The judge told him he needs to look for another part time job. He has been living with his girlfriend since taking this job so he has not felt any REAL pinch from the decrease in earnings.
My monthly earning potential as a CNA is about $1200/month (net)if I am able to find a first shift position working 40 hrs a week. I'm not having any luck finding a position in a facility since I do not have "experience" in a professional capacity. The chances of getting a full time position at a facility is pretty slim to nothing at this point. I've only held my certificate since December 2010. I plan on going to college and becoming an RN to support myself and the kids. I hope to start this summer. (daughter has some medical issues that need to be resolved before I make the commitment right now.)
Asking her father to step up and provide care so I can work is not an option. He has no interest in her to speak of. He has seen her a handful of times since May of 2010. He's never been active in her life and doesn't care to change that. His treatment of her and of me because of her was one of the reasons why I wanted out of our marriage.
Which brings me to what I need help with. Should I ask for spousal support based on his earning potential or what he's actually earning now? Shortly after I asked him to leave he stated that he would not give me a red cent. I feel he's done and is trying to do everything in his power to make sure he doesn't have to.
Now it seems he's willing to give me something after he's done paying child support on our son after he graduates at 19 years of age. (last week he refused to do so. we have a trial date in May) My attorney and I are going to request that he continue paying the same amount for 5 yrs or until I live with someone else or get remarried.
Thoughts?
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bobbypin
recently joined
Reged: 01/06/11
Posts: 19
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A side note, his interest now in paying spousal support is to get the divorce final so he can marry his girlfriend.
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DedicatedDad
veteran
Reged: 09/05/04
Posts: 1318
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I think spousal support would be minimal even at his imputed wage, as he doesn't earn all that much.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30210
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Okay, the guy makes $30K a year, after taxes (since he is now single with no dependents), laving him with MAYBE 22K, take out 17% for child support (low end figure) so about $5K a year to you for that, leaving him $17K a year to LIVE on. That is less than $1500 a month, based on his OLD salary. You are not going to get alimony, because there is simply NONE to give.
I WILL take exception to your comments about hiw he did NOTHING for the child for all those years. He paid for YOU to have a roof over your head, food on the table, etc, for 20 years, so you didn;t have to work and could take care of the disabled child. That was, I can imagine, VERY difficult at $30K a year.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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bobbypin
recently joined
Reged: 01/06/11
Posts: 19
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My words were not that he did nothing for my daughter. My words were that he did not help with her CARE. In context, this means that he does not know how to take care of her, does NOT want to know how to take care of her. Get it? I was demonstrating that he is not willing to pitch in so I will not need financial support from him!
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bobbypin
recently joined
Reged: 01/06/11
Posts: 19
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And yes, you are man. I hear you roar. Settle down, kitty.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30210
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Yeah, I am custodial father with an ex that beat the sh!t out of our kids, so you can drop your condescending bullsh!t. I work full time, have two kids with learning disabilities, , attend college full time and still manage to work on computers on the side. Save the drama for your momma honey, we ain't buying it here.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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bobbypin
recently joined
Reged: 01/06/11
Posts: 19
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Good, proud of ya little man. You keep up the good work! So, does anyone have some constructive advice?
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spinnerdegrassi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/20/06
Posts: 7955
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You're not going to get much alimony, at best I would think a few hundred. He's not a high wage earner. Your son will drop off the CS roll in a year or so. You'll still get CS for your daughter, but once that has been taken out of his income, it's not going to realistically leave much to take out for alimony purposes.
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Maury
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 8146
Loc: This Asylum --->
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You may not like Gr8dad's input, but it does not make it less valid despite your rather strained attempts and condescension. If you do not like the post, move on to the next. Attempts to desparage the poster does little but make you look childish.
He make a significant point that there are limited resources with little to go arund. That limits the ability to pay spousal support and still make ends meet. I would agree that any spousal support would be fauirly minimal and shrot term.
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