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nolonger
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A more serious topic - Son HATES x's gf
      #733454 - 02/28/11 08:20 AM

Last night my son (11) cried his eyes out for an entire 90 minutes. Why? Because *Amy* is always at dad's. Coz her daughters bug the crap out of him. Coz they do bad stuff and Amy *always* blames him. Coz Amy makes *him* do her requests like get more firewood, bring my coffee to me, pick up the toys her girls left out.

The problem is, besides the obvious, but I don't really buy it. I know Amy. In fact, I know her well because we were really good friend the two years prior to my divorce. Little did I know she was sharing all my plans and info about escaping my abusive relationship to my ex in order to get her claws into him. In spite of her lack of morals and good judgement, I know her to be kind to all kids and a very giving, loving mother.

The other part is, this child of mine is my most difficult. Angry a lot of the time. Lashing out physically and verbally at his younger sibling. She may just be disciplining him, which after nearly 3 years is WAY okay with me and IMO, healthy.

IDK what to do. Telling my ex would be construed as me causing trouble and holding a grudge against my ex friend.

I encouraged my son to talk to both of them separately, and he said he has done this several times and every time he talked to dad, dad told him to "suck it up" and when he talked to Amy, she yelled out, "Peter! Come here! Your son is picking a fight with me!".

I think the "suck it up" is probably true, but I doubt she wouldn't talk things through with my son. I doubt she'd get my son "in trouble" for reaching out.

But IDK. This is a woman who during our friendship admitted she was a gold digger and was witness to incidents that led to my successful granting of a restraining order yet she still started dating him the week I left.

What would you do?


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Debi
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Re: A more serious topic - Son HATES x's gf [Re: nolonger]
      #733597 - 02/28/11 07:22 PM

Tough one .We teach our kids that they can always come to us with their problems but I think most of us have one that we feel could at least be exaggerating problems for their own agenda. Do you think from you own experiences with your son that he is really trying to talk to either of them in a way that they are going to listen? I have a difficult child myself and I know she can not ever speak to anyone in a respectful manner when she's mad about something. That could be where the "Your son is trying to pick a fight with me." Is coming in. My daughter WOULD be trying to pick a fight by then.

I'm not sure there is a way to avoid having a conversation with your x other than telling your son that he has to learn to get along with people he doesn't like (Especailly someone with authority over him) because he'll be doing it the rest of his life. That's what I've had to do because I've discovred that intervening with my daughter has done her no good. Now at 16 with a job she's finally getting it

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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.


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nolonger
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Re: A more serious topic - Son HATES x's gf [Re: Debi]
      #733610 - 02/28/11 09:39 PM

Debi, I agree with you and have told him (and all my kids for that matter) that being in a position having someone of authority over you is a permanent experience in life and you have to learn skills in order to deal with those who abuse their power, or you simply don't like.

I think it's kind of a wait and see solution. I don't speak to my ex nor Amy. Ever. Emails and texts only.


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