janetb
recently joined
Reged: 02/28/11
Posts: 4
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I've been divorced for 3 years with no children and in my late 30s. I have two issues I would like help with. Here is the first one.
I have been dating this guy for 6 months. He's a 41 yr old single dad of 2 young children. When he got divorced a few years ago he asked his mother to move here to help with the children(he has his kids 50% and exwife has them 50%) on the days he has them. His mom now lives next door and gets the kids on and off the bus after school cause hes working. Now this is fine but she does other things I'm concerned about.
1. He does not own a washer/dryer but his mom does. So he brings all his/kids laundry over for his mom to do.
2. He has almost no food in the house except snacks(no main meals,vegs,fruits ect). The reason being is his mom does all the cooking for him and the kids. He knows how to cook cause he has cooked for me.
3. He told me hes "bad with money" so he gives his mom money and she writes out all his bills. He does not own a check book.
He's a really nice guy and treats me wonderful BUT seems not very ambitious or independent for someone in there 40s. Am I being to hard or do you guys find this odd?
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7135
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Run, do not walk to the nearest exit. He doesn't share 50/50 with his x....his MOTHER does. I'd say he's a big time mama's boy and at 41 it's not likely to gte better. I can see and understand the first part (her getting the kids off to school and watching them after). I can even see them being at her home fopr meals PART of the time. Maybe even go so far as to understand if HE needed to go to her house to wash the clothes.......but the money part? Drawing the line there.
Dating him is fine but I don't see any room in the picture for it to become more serious. He's already married to his mom. There's really only one thing he needs from you. (Sorry to be crude.) This man definitely needs to grow up (grow a set) and take his life back. Have you ever asked how much his mom had to do with the end of his marriage? I'd be curious.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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newandbetterlife
recently joined
Reged: 07/20/10
Posts: 12
Loc: Canada
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Hi Janet,
I personally find it odd that a 41 year old does not manage their own finances, do their own laundry, and cook the majority of his meals. For me, those are major red flags. For me, they are symptoms of someone who has not grown up, and taken responsibility for their own life. When his mother is no longer available to do those things, who will take over them?
My ex is one of those, that needs someone to take care of him. Cook, clean, laundry, bills etc.... it made for a very toxic environment in my former home, and one for me, that I will not enter into again.
Good luck as you decide what you want to do!!!
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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This guy is a genius, absolute complete genius.
Why take responsibility in a marriage, when the law says a woman can exit any time its convenient for her, and you'll have to PAY HER TO DO IT ???
Responsibility and " being a man " sounds really good, if you are female and lookin' for that next meal ticket. Responsible behavior and marriage go together about as well as meth and a mortgage.
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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Keepenon
newbie
Reged: 03/09/11
Posts: 25
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could be someone I know, lol , and if it was I would tell you the issues he's got are bigger than you have time and ability to fix. to correct that situation, he would have to want to change, but he is happy with the status quo... he will not pass go, not collect $200...I would walk. (this coming from some one who was walked out on!)
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selfcare
recently joined
Reged: 03/11/11
Posts: 5
Loc: Georgia, USA
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You don't really need advice from any of us...your internal alarm/warning system is ringing so loud it's deafening!
My guess is you KNOW the answer to this one, you just don't like it.
If your life long dream is to be with someone who is helpless, needy and immature, then put a ring on his finger and march him down the aisle before someone else comes along and snatches him up!
Seriously, listen to yourself and the others who posted here and get out before you talk yourself into believing he'll change because you're different from his mom, his ex-wife and everyone else that ever tried to "fix" him in the past.
Big Hug!
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Linda T
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