Fishergirl
addict
Reged: 12/06/08
Posts: 469
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About a week ago I got an angry hate filled email from my ex.
I had about a week earlier than that sent him a short to the point (nothing nasty) email just reminding him that he owed me for medical expenses that I had paid out of pocket and mainly (and the bigger issue) that there is an outstanding debt for a medical emergency (my daughter broke her arm). I had gone in personally and paid my share when it happened over a year ago and then they tried to track him down all this time. I didnt hear anything more for almost a year to my lawyer mistakenly told me it was probably taken care of. It wasnt, and now they are coming after me for the debt. I set up a payment plan with them but I let ex know that he would not be off the hook for the debt.
In ex's ranting email (he always just gets mean and insulting when it seems he is truly in the wrong about something) I did learn that they took his tax return to pay for part of his arrears. He is so not happy about that. He then just goes on and on about how since I am getting that money- which I have not gotten yet nor heard anything about it except from him- that I should use it to pay the medical bills and leave him alone. That has not set well with me all this time. That he thinks he can bully me into just paying his court ordered share of things and that I will just pay it to keep him from calling me names or harrassing me.
I didnt send anything back since I dont try and respond to the mean emails, but now I am worried that my silence is an unspoken agreement to just go ahead and pay the medical bills and never hold him accountable. Once I pay these bills, I will have paid out over 3000.00 in medical expenses over the last few years.
I am researching how to file a sum certain which makes me nervous. He tends to really put alot of stress on the kids about court. I have never taken him to court for any reason but he has a few times and although he lost in the months in between it was very stressful on the kids and myself. Im wondering if I should at least email him letting him know that I will not use any arrears to pay his bills. I even thought about sending his email to his parents (our families were close growing up) to see if they will help me somehow. I just hate this whole thing and I hate stressing about it. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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NOT defending him, but is there a possibility that he simply does not HAVE the money? Who is providing the insurance for the kids and what are the premiums?
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Fishergirl
addict
Reged: 12/06/08
Posts: 469
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Yes gr8dad there is a possibility that he does not have the money. The thing is I dont have that kind of money either (2000.00) and the broken arm bills kinda sideswiped me. Up until then I had already paid around 1400.00 in medical bills that other than documenting in case he took me to court again, I didnt think I would really ever seriously pursue. The problem lies in the fact that no matter what financial situation he is in he has refused to help pay mecial expenses. He was making alot more when my daughter broke her arm than what he is now but I am not sure since he works under the table alot now. At the time he was dating multiple women and spending money right and left. I have always held the position that what he does in his personal life is his business but would like him to at least fulfile his legal financial obligations to me. He then lost his job because he was fired for stealing from his company and started working odd jobs under the table. I am not expecting him to write a check for the whole amount and call it good, but like most of us in life when we are faced with an unexpected debt we did not count on or cannot afford I think he should at least own up that the debt is his and try to set up his own payment arraingments. Having it affect my credit and then telling me to use his cs to pay it is very low in my opinion. His cs goes towards the kids well being and their needs and we would not even be getting it except that they garnished his taxes.
After he was fired the kids lost their insurance. He was providing it but I had to pay a share of it. He then refused to even try and find any other forms of insurance for the kids. I am self employed so I can tailor my hours and work from home more which works better for our special needs son. It also meant that insurance for the kids was very expensive. I have the kids on medicaid currently so there are no premiums but am trying to find another part time job so that I can afford insurance for them.
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MrsB
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/03/10
Posts: 6355
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Oh girl - I know exactly how you feel. My ex still owes medical bills to me from the last 4 1/2 years. Unless it's garnished I don't expect to ever see a dime.
My ex also responds the same way to me about money issues - he thinks I'm greedy for expecting him to financially support our son and live up to what the court order orders him to do.
My advice? Keep documenting, keep track of all the expenses - and file contempt when you're comfortable doing so. That's really all you CAN do. I'd also send a monthly statement and provide a spreadsheet of everything he owes. That's what I do. I don't get a response or payment - but that way I can know he has an up to date statement of everything he owes.
Does he work? Is CS garnished?
ETA - just saw in your response above that he works under the table. My advice still stands - unfortunately there is little you can do other than file contempt. And trust me, getting angry isn't going to change anything or make him pay :(
Edited by MrsB (05/15/11 06:06 PM)
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Fishergirl
addict
Reged: 12/06/08
Posts: 469
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Mrs B - I know what your saying about it not being worth my anger. I like the advice about the spread sheet so I will work on that tomorrow. So far I just keep giving him a copy of the receipts every month or so or when a new one comes along. Thanks :)
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MrsB
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/03/10
Posts: 6355
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No problem :). Keep me posted! I do hope he starts paying soon - but for your own sanity, I wouldn't count on it!
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MrsB
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/03/10
Posts: 6355
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FYI - the spreadsheet will also help tremendously if you end up filing contempt and taking it to court. The judge will appreciate seeing it, with copies of receipts attached - so he/she can see everything on one sheet, instead of just a stack of bills.
Btw - I have mine organized by year also. These are the columns I have to help make it easy to read:
Date of Service
Reason for visit (dr, ER, medicine, etc)
Total amount of bill
His share (50%)
Date I sent the receipt
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CTEXAS
recently joined
Reged: 06/02/11
Posts: 11
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Wow I didn't even keep most of my medical bills because I didn't think he would ever pay anyways. Plus I never thought I'd hold him in contempt. However; from now on I am going to keep my receipts and do a spread sheet too and I think I will eventually file contempt for non cs and medical bills. It's only fair being a single mother it's not like we have all this extra money to throw around either! I wish there was an easier way to make these men ( or women) pay for these precious gifts they helped create!
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