kfish2373
recently joined
Reged: 05/19/11
Posts: 3
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My Ex and I have a shared parenting with our two children, ages 2 and 4. She moved from OH to UT during our divorce in December 2009 and I foolishly allowed it to happen, partially due to bad advice from my atty (I later learned that the advice was not so good). My Ex has never held a job for longer than two weeks, lived with her aunt in UT and concerned herself more with finding a new husband to support her, and to no surprise met an australian guy online in March 2010 and wanted to move with the kids to australia and marry. I put an abrubt stop to this, and refused to allow it (with help from a new atty, the same that also informed me I could have prevented her from moving in the first place).
She went to australia in May 2010 and married this guy the same month, while I had the kids with me, and she then shared her plans to move from UT to TX where her new husband would support them with his new job. Her new husband also had to leave behind his three children in australia because his ex wouldn't allow them to leave. Due to this change, I brought the issue of parenting time and child support back to court, and we adapted a long distance shared parenting plan where I get them every summer, but due to both bdays being in July, every other year my summertime is shortened. Also every other spring break, and christmas.
We've gone appx a year now with this current agreement, and works fine though I'd love to see my children more, but we do mantain a good relationship through skype and so on. Just the other day, my ex informs me that they are probably going to move again, and this time to Idaho, because it has more nature, more same faith members, and all four seasons and less hispanics, which she's surrounded by in Houston. She believes that it's the best option for their family (she is pregnant now)to grow and be happy. The only reason why she will not move back to OH is because (and this is what she told me) she's afraid that if she did, I would prevent her from moving away later if she saw fit. I am a Police Officer, and am in my 6th year at my department. I am a homeowner, land owner and in a new relationship with a woman that has children of her own. I cannot easily relocate myself to be closer to my children or I would.
What are my best options in this situation. Can my ex's decision such as hastely remarrying and in-ability to settle down and provide for the children should her husband ever move back to Australia to be with his kids(He can't visit because the australian govt wont allow him to leave due to non payment of child support), be any grounds to change our custody agreement? I am very doubtful that the courts would consider a change in custody, causing my kids to live primarily with me, but is that possible?
What should I do?
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7139
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Anything is possible but the better question would be the likelyhood. Will this modify your parenting time? If not they would proably allow it. How do schools compare? I have a friend who taught in Houston and I can't imagine too many places that wouldn't have better schools.
You could use the information that living with you the kids would have more stablity. this will be the third major move in less than 2 years. Not a good track record. However the courts would probably make you show that she is an unfit mother. I don't think the moves or even the rush to marry proves her unfit.
What does your attorney think would happen?
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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kfish2373
recently joined
Reged: 05/19/11
Posts: 3
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Just learned about this intent to move today... not official, and I am taking it with a pinch of salt really... I'm more or less getting an idea on wether it be beneficial or a waste of time and money to head back to my attorney's office. I wouldn't bother even asking him unless I get that intent to relocate notification from the court. I agree that perhaps these facts does not necessarily prove her to be unfit, which is why I feel a bit helpless in the matter, but hoping I am in the least bit wrong, lol.
Perhaps the more reasonable approach would be to go back to court and adjust parenting time to give me the same amount of time each summer, regardless of their mom missing their bdays each year since they fall in the middle of summer. And perhaps forcing her to pay for the travel during such times... now we share costs. Do you think that my be more likely? Or would courst still adopt the 50/50 travel costs?
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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You already have a long-distance parenting plan right? Would it really need to change just because she moves to Idaho? If the answer is no change is necessary (as I would guess), I would imagine you have no grounds to make any changes to the parenting plan based on that alone. Your kids will simply be flying from another airport. You MAY be able to price flights and if the cost is significantly different get a different percentage based on the lower cost of Texas flights, but most likely the difference isn't big enough to warrant that.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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kfish2373
recently joined
Reged: 05/19/11
Posts: 3
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WIth the move, it pretty much forces me to use the airways. Now we can both drive about 9 hrs to meet halfway. This won't be as feasible from Idaho. Well thx, will see what pans out.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6495
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If you already have a 50/50 split on transportation costs, I think that should stay the same IF the costs remain the same or decrease.
If the transportation costs or time spent driving will increase for you, I think she should be paying the difference/making up the extra time.
I don't know that the court will make her, but that's what I think should happen.
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Avaya
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 02/09/06
Posts: 9824
Loc: Arkansas
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[quote]You already have a long-distance parenting plan right? Would it really need to change just because she moves to Idaho? If the answer is no change is necessary (as I would guess), I would imagine you have no grounds to make any changes to the parenting plan based on that alone. [/quote]
Perhaps, but the instability would be a big deal to me. Unfortunately it's not as big of a deal to many judges. The impact on the NCP time isn't the only thing they should consider IMO.
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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instability alone is not enough to change custody. Is must have a provable detrimental effect on the kids. Such as failing at school, behavior issues etc. And that effect must not be temporary. Once custody has been determined it is extremely difficult to disturb, particularly when the NCP is not close to the child on a daily basis and the change would be HUGE.
Now he also mentioned altering their agreement - modification. That is the instance in which changes to his custodial time would be considered.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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MTmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/23/07
Posts: 2711
Loc: MT
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If the new location increases transportation costs for your time with the kids, ask that she pay the additional expenses.
You already have a long distance schedule. As long as your existing schedule with the kids can be maintained from the new location, and as long as she's not moving them to a cult or RubyRidge-ish compound in Idaho.. it should work out with very little impact on you.
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annieo
veteran
Reged: 07/07/10
Posts: 1413
Loc: Pacific Northwest
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actually instability can be enough to change custody if it is considered "historical" instability - worked for us and we lived 3000 miles away
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