hsmcdonald
recently joined
Reged: 11/01/08
Posts: 6
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Ive been separated from my ex-wife for 19 months, divorced for about 6. When we were separating, I was in a pretty bad emotional state admittedly and was very much of the notion 'Just tell me what you want' in so far as custody and child support. She responded with her as primary custody and me as non-custodial parent with 23% visitation - and with child support value thats well over 3x what likely would have been appointed - based on CA child support calculators. While I filed for divorce,we did the divorce paperwork on our own.
I feel now that this arrangement is highly imbalanced, in part because I want more time with my son and in part because I just didnt think through the financial implications of that child support commitment. I have no problem with support, but when I asked her to spell out how its used I learned almost 35% pays her mortgage and more goes away into savings before we even get to the Cory-specific items. Ive met many moms who have said the amount im paying is excessive and is far above what any mother would need for covering any and all basics and even some buffer for one 6 year old.
My son is 6 and has adapted I think the best he can with the current arrangement.
What Id like is joint custody, as close as 50/50 visitation as possible and a reduction in child support.
Is this a reasonable request given the certain battle that will occur with my ex?
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Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2006
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The first thing I would find out is if it is too soon to file for any type of modification. Some states require a certain time period to pass before filing for a modification in anything. They usually do include an exception for a significant change of circumstances. Changing one's mind is not a significant change of circumstances.
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DedicatedDad
veteran
Reged: 09/05/04
Posts: 1318
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The custody arrangement is what it is. CA likes to see the NCP get 20% of the time. If you had 10% or less, you could get it modified to 20%, but they won't change it from where it is.
As for CS, you can get that modified to guideline if enough time has passed for a modification.
You really need to see an attorney.
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7783
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It's probably going to be difficult to go in six months out of a divorce and ask for increased visitation and decreased child support because you were in a poor emotional state at the time. I empathize with how you felt. My hubby was also taken advantage of during the divorce and agreed to some pretty ridiculous things just to get it over with.
We have a 50/50 modified visitation off court order. My hubby hasn't ever asked for a reduction in child support because the attorneys he saw said our 50/50 schedule wasn't court ordered and could be reduced to every other weekend. His concern wasn't the money, but the time with the kids. With that said, if you want more time with your child, make sure you get that on paper. I would advise you to consult an attorney about increasing visitation by court order and see if a recalculation of support is included in that. If not, I'd get to reducing child support at a later time.
I think it's reasonable to request additional time with your child and I think 50/50 is a great way to share a child post divorce. But you'll look like the guy who wants cheaper child support so you'll settle for more time to get it. It's a typical tactic.
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hsmcdonald
recently joined
Reged: 11/01/08
Posts: 6
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Thanks for the replies. More time is the main focus. I feel a little frustrated I let her take advantage on the money part but that can be addressed later. Shes obviously dependent on it now with a mortgage. Let me consult an attorney. Thanks for the tips!
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chaznsc
newbie
Reged: 12/22/09
Posts: 43
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The custody thing will be a battle that probably wont go your way, but I'd bet the CS could be dropped like a bad penny. Hire an attorney.
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