50msns
recently joined
Reged: 05/26/11
Posts: 5
Loc: Washington state
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Well, after 34 years of marriage my wife tells me she isn't in love with me anymore, she isn't physically attracted to me anymore and has no romantic interest in me. But she does hope we can remain friends I signed the papers last week. I'm still in love with her. Life really sucks right now.
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Forgiveness is giving up all hope for a better past.
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Keepenon
newbie
Reged: 03/09/11
Posts: 25
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It happened exactly like you describe, but after 5 years for me.. that really sucks man. It does get better, beleve me although at the time denial was my biggest enemy. Just work to come to terms that is happening, your not alone, it happens to lots of perfectly good people. And rest assured you are attractive and desireable.. after my ex tolsd me that I was crushed. But 6 months later I have a wonderful girl I'm seeing and have had girls leave notes on my door to call them. Its not you.. its her. Sure, your not perfect, but its who you are. Learn where you can be better. I found journaling and reading relationship books gave me perspective, and I was able to change some things about myself to make me better for me. I am much happier now (no one makes a good husband/wife when they are a hostage) My final papers just came through on monday, it was a relief to be done. I'm telling you the good parts because 5 months ago I would of never believed I would be ok with the situation. I am dissapointed with how things worked out, but overall am a much happier person. and I NEVER thought at the time I signed the papers I would ever feel that way. There is hope! Hope this has helped.. I really feel for what your going through..
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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Why shouldn't she exit the marriage after 34 years ? Woman have nothing to lose, so its a no brainer...
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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50msns
recently joined
Reged: 05/26/11
Posts: 5
Loc: Washington state
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Keepenon,
Thank you so much for the kind words, they do help. Coming to this forum has helped more than I imagined. I'm taking it day by day, sometimes hour by hour. Every plan, every hope and dream I had for the future included her. Throw major depression, BPD and PTSD, and a pre-disposition for addiction into the mix and it is sometimes a real battle to get through the day without screwing up. I am struggling to move forward with my life without her. It is hard but there is no other option other than to find a way. I'm packing up her stuff, rearranging the cabin to make it mine instead of ours. I'm thinking of getting a dog. Thank god my oldest daughter is here. She has been visiting often, bringing the grandkids which helps so much. Helps me keep things in perspective.
yregna - I have no idea what you said. I was on this forum for less than an hour before I put you on ignore status. I have no place in my life for your negative perspective. I came here for help. Your posts are not helpful.
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Forgiveness is giving up all hope for a better past.
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Annie7676
old hand
Reged: 06/05/05
Posts: 862
Loc: NY
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You are right to ignore the other poster, it doesn't help.
Yes life can throw you for a spin when your LTP leaves but with time and working towards moving forward it does get better. My X told me basically the same thing and in the beginning it was a struggle and hard. But now many yrs later, life could not be better.
Getting a dog does help. The day he left I went to the german shepard rescue for a puppy, for some odd reason I said let me see the adult GSD's and there was this depressed shepard sad and alone. they opened the door out he came, licked me and i took him home, it was one of the most inspiring days of my life. This dog had been abused and mistreated but has become part of my life and a loyal friend and family member. I have never regretted it and he has brought joy to my home and life. It that works for you then great.
Enjoy your grandkids, do hobbies work on you...as selfish as this sounds, once your partner leaves you are free to choose whatever you wnat for the rest of your life. You just have to get there.
Good luck and keep posting the folks on here are awesome in their help.
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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My posts are not intended to help you, 50msns...You signed a legal contract that said the other person could dispose of you anytime they want, and the longer they wait, the more they get paid.
For you its entirely too late. My posts are intended to maake younger men stop signing up for such a stupid legal contract.
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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Maury
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 8146
Loc: This Asylum --->
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Funny - I thought your posts were intended to highlight the damage exposure to lead paint as a child can cause to adult intellectual reasoning.
Edited by Maury (06/02/11 04:20 PM)
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MichaelD
recently joined
Reged: 06/03/11
Posts: 2
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This is my first time here and already I see that at least two people have had similar experiences. Your posts have helped and I thank you. I am really struggling right now and I need this. Again, thank you.
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50msns
recently joined
Reged: 05/26/11
Posts: 5
Loc: Washington state
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MichaelD, I am glad that sharing my experience so far helped. I also found it very helpful to find other people that have been through what I,we, are going through. For what it is worth, things do get better. I have a long way to go before I am over this, but I'm not miserable anymore. I still am at a loss as to what the future looks like, but I hold on to the thought that at the end of the day I am a good person and i deserve to be with someone who loves me, warts and all, someone who is in love with me and has my back. Looking back with the 20/20 vision of hindsight, i realize she hasn't been that person for a long time and if she isn't that person, I'm really better off without her.
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Forgiveness is giving up all hope for a better past.
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