MichaelD
recently joined
Reged: 06/03/11
Posts: 2
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I just turned 41. My divorce will be final on Sep 2. We were only married 3 months but have been telling each other we were meant to be for 14 years. I have much to answer for I admit. I have not handled this well. But I can't seem to find closure. There is no one in my life I can talk with about it and she refuses to discuss it with me and has since the beginning. I guess I'm just looking for someone to talk to. I have never been married or divorced before, and I'm not usually the guy who sticks his hand out for help but... help.
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7135
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What changed between the 14 years of (I'm assuming) being the best of friends and getting married?
Part of why I ask is my own situation. My best friend of almost 10 years and I have recently taken our relationship to a new level and are buying a house and moving in together. Everyone we know has said "It's about damn time" and while I agree I am afraid things are going to change with him being my SO instead of my best friend.
As for closure for your marriage, only you know what you need closure for. Sometimes we never get it. I didn't when my marriage ended 10 years ago. After that i was in a relationship for 3 years and 6 years later it still bothers me that i didn't get the closure I wanted. XSO and i finally had a long talk about 3 years after the break up and I got some answers but not exactly what I was looking for. You may have to accept that you will never get what you need in the way of tying things off. Divorce is one of the most painful things that I ever endured because it leaves so many wounds open. The only thing that really helps is time. Not so much for answers but to allow the wounds to close. And they do eventually.
If you have no one to talk to then try keeping a journal, or continue posting here. I've made some wonderful friends here since I found this site in 2001. Some I've even met in person. There will be good days and bad but eventually the bad days will be fewer and you'll see yourself healing.
(((HUGS)))
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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Strawberry75
recently joined
Reged: 06/06/11
Posts: 6
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i too am new here and struggling trying to figure out how to live life without what i thought was the man i was going to spend the rest of my life with. its been a month since he just up and walked out on me and my two kids and im still in shock ..... and it seems he is handling life fine without us .... sigh....
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7135
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You have to remember that the person who leaves always seems to be doing better than the one who was left. That is because they usually went through all of the emotions that you're going through now, before they made the decision to leave.
That said a month is not much time to have moved on so don't think there is anythign wrong with you. It takes a lot more than that. Possibly years depending on the circumstances. One of my favorite sayings learned from this board is "Fake it 'til you make it". You will have days that you don't possibly know how you can function but you will. One day you'll realize that the smile on your face isn't forced and that for a moment it was genuine happiness. After that it will get easier and easier. Hang in there. (((HUGS)))
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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Strawberry75
recently joined
Reged: 06/06/11
Posts: 6
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Debi -- Thank you for your words of wisdom. =)
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desiburton
recently joined
Reged: 06/26/11
Posts: 3
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Hello when I was going through everything. my Nieghbor told me it would take three years until I felt normal again. I wanted to hit her. Turns out she was right- time helps and having a wide network of support. This site helped me greatly and talking to others was crucial. Life can be wonderful again I promise
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RebeccaFein
newbie
Reged: 08/04/11
Posts: 27
Loc: Georgia, USA
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Michael, you are not alone. I have been approached by several men lately in my coaching practice and this has surprised me because typically men don't stick their hand out for help. So, I want to congratulate you for having the courage to stick the hand out for help!
What have you tried to find closure? How will you know when you have found it? What does closure mean to you? These questions are questions I'd ask in a coaching session, but also are important for you to answer for yourself.
It can be difficult to grieve the loss of a relationship, especially when the other party won't be reasonable. My ex-husband is unreasonable so I do understand. It gets better however, it really does.
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You deserve to lead the fine life don't let ANYONE tell you differently!
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