annatof4
member
Reged: 07/13/11
Posts: 125
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My 16 year old Daughter is extremely upset with her grandmother. My ex and I had shared custody up until last year...when the daughter said that she wanted to live with me. HUGE battle to say the least. Ex's family was very negative, insulting and badgering my daughter over the whole mess. It was a very rough road, still kinda is.
Anyway, this past weekend, my ex's family had their family reunion. Technically my weekend, but daughter and grandmother are very close and grandmother requested that she go. After making sure daughter was okay with it, I said no problem and they left Friday for the reunion which was to be held about a hour and a half away. They camped out and made a weekend of it. Daughter called me yesterday (Sunday) bawling. Very upset as grandmother had made some rude comments to her. From my daughter, grandmother said she was a lesbian. Going on to make comments of the friends that she hangs out with, the way she dresses and not having a boyfriend. My daughter said that she was embarrassed as these comments were made in front of others and then they all chimed with their own comments. She said that she told them that she wasnt, but they just kept on with jokes and comments. I asked her what she wanted me to do. She said for me to come get her and take her home...so I did. I tried my best to console her on the way home. I really didnt know what to do or say since she has been so very close to this grandmother. I asked Daughter if she wanted me to talk to grandmother (I didnt want to cause more problems and wanted to respect her wishes). Daughter responded "I dont know". I talked to Daughter again this morning....still response "I dont know". Ive suggested that I or dad or step-mom talk to grandmother and no response.
Daughter has had emotional problems (since last year) and has been in therapy and on medication for depression. I have told the ex and his wife, and we all agree that it needs to be addressed....but, we are not sure how to approach it. Its like pulling teeth to get a appointment with the therapist and her next one isnt until next week. Do we, Let daughter talk to grandmother when she is ready? Talk to grandmother? Our concern is letting this fester up and not wanting to cause more problems with ex's family. Daughter can "shutdown" which I fear has happened. I dont know grandmother's side of it...it could be a misunderstanding. Yet, my daughter is upset. While her father and step-mom and I think of other solutions, I thought that I would try to get other suggestions.
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Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2015
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The first thing that I would do is ask my ex why on earth he didn't step in and put a stop to it. Since it was a family reunion, I am assuming that he was there. (Well, maybe not worded this way, but a in a nicer way).
Second, I would limit contact with the grandmother as much as you can (obviously there's not much you can do if your ex takes her there on his week-ends). There simply is no excuse for what that poor excuse of a grandmother did to your daughter. If your daughter's therapist thinks it would be beneficial to your daughter to confront her grandmother for her abuse, she can do so in a controlled environment, such as at the therapist's office with the therapist there.
Hopefully, your ex will get on board with limiting contact with the grandmother.
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annatof4
member
Reged: 07/13/11
Posts: 125
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He wasnt there. It was his drill weekend. I am not sure that he would have stepped in as he avoids confrontation at all cost. When the major blow up happened last year with the majority of his family attacking our daughter...he did nothing. She has expressed how much that upset her and that it made her decision (to live with mom) even more right. In my short history on this forum, I can safely say that people know that I dont have a problem with confrontation :) All of my kids know, if they have a problem, they come to Momma. We joke a bit about it and they will say "Momma get your steel toed boots on". LOL
My ex lives just a 1/2 mile from me, and his parents live across the street from him. So, I am not sure that limiting contact would work too well. Up until now, grandmother was the only one that she could go to on that side of the family. Id like to see it resolved quickly...just dont know how I can go about it.
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joe_mc
recently joined
Reged: 07/25/11
Posts: 1
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Holy crap.. I can't get passed the fact that Granny Dear opened her mouth that wide. Was she into the sauce a little too much??
Sounds like it might be time to get a pair those steel toes for your daughter and teach her how to use them. Nobody should have to put up with that kind of moronic bullying - ESPECIALLY from a grandparent.
That's a touchy situation. I wish you serious luck.
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SweetLight
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/07/10
Posts: 2003
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That is awful. What the heck is wrong with people? I think the sooner it's addressed the better. It doesn't seem that your ExH will be one to handle it, and I think your daughter may have a difficult time approaching her grandmother about it. I would at that age, too.
Why did the grandmother think you were picking your daughter up early? Did she know she was upset? I think you should ask the grandmother about it. Tell her that your daughter told you about this, and you are curious why she would do such a thing. That is totally inappropriate.
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asurvivor
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/14/05
Posts: 3410
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[i]That is awful. What the heck is wrong with people? I think the sooner it's addressed the better. It doesn't seem that your ExH will be one to handle it, and I think your daughter may have a difficult time approaching her grandmother about it. I would at that age, too. [/i]
I would address it because Grandma was being an OLD bully ~~ I may (or may not) wait until my D was not so angry but I would address it and not with my EX. I'd inform him after the fact (since he's non confrontational) on how I handled it!
What a shame. I was thinking on the ride to work how mean and ugly people are these days and now I hear a story of a grandma bullying and picking on her own grandchild. SMH
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DedicatedDad
veteran
Reged: 09/05/04
Posts: 1318
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Grandma is sick....no more contact.
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Avaya
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 02/09/06
Posts: 9816
Loc: Arkansas
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Well, here's my take. Is it possible that being on meds for depression, daughter is more sensitive than she normally would have been? Clearly other things are going on in her life if she needs meds to deal.
At age 16, she should be able to decide whether she wants a close relationship with her grandmother or not. That said, I would not interfere. Daughter's choice to limit her time with that part of the family will be telling enough IMO.
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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Okay, lets see what happened, REALLY. Daughter went to a family reunion, grandmom insinuated something, other family members jumped in and teased her.
Okay, first, and FOREMOST, you need to talk to SOMEONE ELSE who was there, because everything you have is from the filter of an "insulted" 16 year old. Once you have a TRUE picture of what happened, you need to adress wit the 16 year old that they were TEASING, and to let it go and get over it.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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SweetLight
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/07/10
Posts: 2003
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Okay, what if it really did happen the way it was explained above? "Daughter went to a family reunion, grandmom insinuated something, other family members jumped in and teased her."
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