EdithRoss
recently joined
Reged: 09/08/04
Posts: 7
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My ex-husband and I had 'easy' divorce. My ex agreed to pay spousal support so that I could keep the house, (lots of maintenance required)& to send my kids to college and more. They are both over 18 and living at home. He makes more money than I do, and with the support he pays makes us about equal in pay. We were married for 22 years. He has been paying now for 3 years. Everything was fine until he met someone new. Now, EVERY TIME I get a cost of living raise in some small percentage, I am served with papers yet again, brought back into court for a modification, and I win. This is now the 5th time I have gone back to court (same issue, same judge- we often go more than once a year) This is also the first time I have hired an attorney because I want this to stop. I have to drive 100 miles to court, miss work, etc. We have now appeared three times on this latest attempt for modification, and every time we go, there is a new reason for a continuance. His attorney says I am lying about my income. (He has my paystubs and tax returns, so I don't know what he is talking about, other than perhaps he cannot understand them)He is accusing me of misrepresenting my income. But, I am not!
I have a small savings account and my attorney told me to go spend it..that I should have nothing? Nothing? I have to save for tuition every quarter. He suggested that I go on vacation, or go buy new furniture......seriously! I cannot dump this attorney since I already have too much invested. I suppose my question is: How is it that I am in court on the same issue over and over and no one can stop it? In California, there is supposed to be a significant change in circumstances for a modification....yet the only thing of 'significance' is my 4 percent raise last year. My ex, on the other hand, lives with someone rent free and he has gotten bigger raises than I have. It is hard to make any plans for anything, when I don't know if my income will change every few months. The attorney's fees are quite expensive, although we are asking him to pay them. (don't know if that will happen since all that ever happens is more continuances) I feel ready to give up, which is what he wants, but it would devastate the kids. I really would have agreed to let him pay less, but he never asked. He wants the support terminated. I should mention that he was court ordered to pay other bills, but I took care of them for him, because I wanted to do the right thing.
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aussie928
old hand
Reged: 10/29/04
Posts: 969
Loc: Dallas
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(quote) "I really would have agreed to let him pay less, but he never asked. He wants the support terminated.(quote)
G'day luv. One Q...instead of going back to court over and over.. is there a reason why you could not just OFFER this instead of waiting for him to ask? Also you dont say how long this spousal support is ordered.
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Onyx
old hand
Reged: 08/03/04
Posts: 816
Loc: Buffalo NY
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Edith- How sad that now he has a new "monster" that he wants to toy with what he felt was right, and correct for 3 years already. Have your kids spoken with him about this? It irks me when a new person comes in and tries to change something that had NOTHING to do with them. She will be gone soon, dont worry... people like that never last in a relationship (well, rarely). If he keeps taking you to court and keeps losing... when will he wake up? Do not modify anything, or lower anything. As far as spending your savings? Tell the lawyer fine, and then make a gift to your children. Or withdraw the money and let your kids open an account, they need it for college anyway right? I see no harm in that at all... it IS spending it. No one said you HAVE to spend it on vacation. Good luck, and keep us posted. Blessings, Onyx
(I need some more coffee- egads)
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"Don't Make Me Get My Flying Monkeys"
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sugar
journeyman
Reged: 12/30/04
Posts: 50
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Onyx, were you cheated on in your marriage? You seem so bitter when it comes to "new" people in relationships with the divorcees. Life goes on after divorce! There's no need to sit around and be bitter.
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EdithRoss
recently joined
Reged: 09/08/04
Posts: 7
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Thanks for the responses. (especially re the bank account) The answer as to why I haven't told him about paying less is because (1) he isn't "allowed" to speak to me according to the new girlfriend, so there is zero communication - trust me, she has nothing to worry about. (2) When I mentioned it to my attorney, he said that to say I would take less money is a sign of weakness.
I suppose I could send something off in writing to say, 'Go ahead and pay less" but I know this will come back to haunt me.
The support is ordered until I die or remarry. I am sure that option one really appeals to him. Re option two, I have a hard time imagining myself getting married again based on quite a few things, too numerous to list here. I am not staying single in order to keep spousal support. I am single because the prospect of marriage when I am going through all of this, holds little appeal for me.
Thanks again, Edie
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EdithRoss
recently joined
Reged: 09/08/04
Posts: 7
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P.S. My kids have spoken to him, but he tells them that it is none of their business....Well, it is their business!
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EdithRoss
recently joined
Reged: 09/08/04
Posts: 7
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One more question: Last year, in court, my ex-husband brought up "Dissomaster" calculations and said that this showed at the time of the divorce, that I was to receive zero. Keep in mind, we were clearly told that the amount for me was zero, but my ex WANTED to pay spousal support, rather then trying to pay tuition, etc. In fact, it was his idea. We both agreed and had our attorneys draw up the documents.
Last year, The judge told him that "Dissomaster" (in California) only applies pre-judgement and that after the divorce was final, my ex had 6 months to appeal, which he did not do. Now, we are going back in with attorneys, and his complaint again cites how "Dissomaster" says I am to receive nothing. I would love to get a real answer about this thing. Was the judge correct?
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aussie928
old hand
Reged: 10/29/04
Posts: 969
Loc: Dallas
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(quote) P.S. My kids have spoken to him, but he tells them that it is none of their business....Well, it is their business! (quote)
NO!!! it is not their business...you married each other not the wee ones. You divorced each other..not the wee ones. All financial matters regarding your divorce settlement..support ..should NEVER be discussed with the wee ones. PERIOD!
Edited by aussie928 (01/14/05 09:32 PM)
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Onyx
old hand
Reged: 08/03/04
Posts: 816
Loc: Buffalo NY
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Damn skippy Im pissed. :)
Why not? You marry someone then cheat.... ????
thats ok? This is fresh for this poster. Yep, it frosts my ass.
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"Don't Make Me Get My Flying Monkeys"
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Onyx
old hand
Reged: 08/03/04
Posts: 816
Loc: Buffalo NY
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Ya know sugar, I went to work this AM, and was thinking about this post here from you. Then I went to your profile, and looked up your posts since you have joined. Youre not very "new person" friendly yourself. You know what they say- those who live in glass houses.......
:) Just a heads up for ya! Blessings, Onyx
[quote]Onyx, were you cheated on in your marriage? You seem so bitter when it comes to "new" people in relationships with the divorcees. Life goes on after divorce! There's no need to sit around and be bitter. [/quote]
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"Don't Make Me Get My Flying Monkeys"
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