samatha
recently joined
Reged: 10/24/11
Posts: 2
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I am a mom of a 2 yr old boy. My divorce is not final yet but there is a temporary custody order which has us having joint physical and joint legal custody with his dad seeing him 30% and he started getting overnights a few months back. For starters I did not want his dad to have joint physical because he was verbally abusive to me and swore in front of our infant son. Before we split up our marriage was bad and we were staying with my parents temporarily and he felt uncomfortable there so I asked him to leave. It happened to be on his first father’s day. I probably subconsciously did that to punish him because he did not seem to me to be much interested in our son and I didn’t want our son in that environment. He does not have a family support system here, so I didn’t think he’d fight for joint custody. After I filed for divorce he ended up moving in with his EX WIFE (before me obviously) who just happens to work in the legal field so is probably advising him! He says that the move was purely platonic and was for economical reasons, she needed help with the rent, and because rent in this area of California is so expensive. I was outraged about this but he still ended up getting joint physical and the courts did not ask him to move out of that situation simply because his ex doesn’t have any history of anything. He is now not settling based on the temporary order and wants more time, and to have him for a week in the summer, plus share ALL vacations! I have a really strong support system as my mother and father help me take care of my son. I would not be able to do this if it wasn’t for them. So there is a hearing coming up where he's probably going to ask for more time. Is there anything I can do to stop that from happening? I think his ex wife is the one behind pushing him to pursue custody because she never had kids and is taking this opportunity to mother my son. I think it’s crazy that the courts seem to think its okay!
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javajunkiee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3155
Loc: SC
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Verbal abuse in front of an infant doesn't make him Father of the Year, but doesn't make him unfit either.
Sharing vacations, holidays and summers is the norm. You'd have to have heavy duty documentation that he's unfit to limit dad's time with his son.
He could likely make a better case proving you unwilling to coparent though if you go into court with nothing more than your opinion of his xw's motivation and 'verbal abuse'.
Get a couple of consultations with family law attorney's and lay out your case. An attorney will be able to give you a better idea of your chances.
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Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7136
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You're not likely to stop him from getting what he's asking for. It's pretty normal in most states for parents to share legal custody and any parenting time at all would qualify as "shared" physical custody. You would have to prove him unfit to take away the time he has in the temp order.
It doesn't matter if someone is "advising" him or who it is. I am unclear as to why you are furious. He doesn't really owe you an explanation as to why he moved in with her and it sounds as if the court doesn't have an issue with her.
I know most people at the stage of divorce you are at don't think this way but children can never have too many people in their lives who care about them and if she is "mothering" him (which to me means to show care and concern), then you're probably lucky his father is staying with her.
You are going to have to realize that this is not only your child and his father will be making decisions you don't always agree with. That would likely happen even if you were staying together.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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Renny
addict
Reged: 09/24/11
Posts: 479
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Adding a thought to debi, divorce has the effect on the mother usually of having to give up some control over he kids. Once they are with your ex, you have little to say. For instance, I know of a father who started taking flying lessons after the divorce and as soon as he got his license he was flying the young kids around much to the distress of the mother. You can expect that you will disapprove of his parenting.
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samatha
recently joined
Reged: 10/24/11
Posts: 2
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Wow, I never thought of it all that way, it's definitely something to think deeply about. Thanks!
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c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1754
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
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A standard custody plan in Texas is for the non-custodial parent to get 1st, 3rd, & 5th weekends from Friday-Sunday night (or Monday morning), 6 weeks in the summer (can be split in 2 parts) and every other Thanksgiving and Spring Break. Also Winter Break is usually split for a week for each parent.
Even if the child(ren) is not in school yet, they go by the school district calendar where the child resides.
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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
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SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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50/50 custody is best for kids in most cases. Good for the parents, too.
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Anything4Love
journeyman
Reged: 10/09/11
Posts: 60
Loc: Virginia
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[quote]50/50 custody is best for kids in most cases. Good for the parents, too. [/quote]
I agree. Too many people forget that the parenting time is for THE KIDS first, the parents second, and as long as both parents are fit and capable of excersizing their parenting time it should be awarded 50/50. The kids need both of their parents.
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youngatheart
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/03/05
Posts: 9394
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Kids can have both their parents without having a 50/50 schedule.
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DedicatedDad
veteran
Reged: 09/05/04
Posts: 1318
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"Kids can have both their parents without having a 50/50 schedule."
That they can. When are you going to voluntarily become less than 50/50 so you can be that part time parent?
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