Nicole
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/25/05
Posts: 1762
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Thats how long it feels since I have been on here. But we are back in the world of custody craziness.
To start my posting again this is the setup;
BM and DH have had 50/50 custody for 7 years. DH accepted a job offer that is going to take us 7 hrs away. You can leave out the moving away from the kids thing, he has had a hard enough time dealing with that. My question is because I have been gone from this whole thing for so long is: she wants to avoid lawyers but we already have one, after divorce i don't think we could actually agree on anything. What will happen in regards to physical and legal custody? right now they both have both.
And honestly, what is fair to ask for in regards to him getting visitation? the skids are 10 and 12. anyone with the current situation would be really helpful but i would love opinions as well.
Please no judgement, this is a stressful time right now and we really just want this to go as smoothly as possible. BM has not said anything about child support but we already plan to include that in the order.
Thanks everyone!!!!
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meganb
old hand
Reged: 10/29/05
Posts: 1180
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I moved after my husband passed away and after MI dried up. My move was alittle over 8 hours from my child.
I also had had 50/50 for over 10 years. I more or less got what was standard....I get all of summer break except for the first week after school lets out and the week before it starts back (about 7 weeks) I also get every spring break and fall break. We half up Winter break....one year I take the week of Christmas, the next the week after. For the past 2 years his Dad has offered me all of Winter break and I have taken that. If we are able I do have the option of 3 day weekends. We did agree to spilt the cost of travel.
As for custody...ours stayed the same, but his Dad does have primary placement now. Legal is joint.
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cutiepie
member
Reged: 12/10/11
Posts: 190
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My friend was in this exact same situation years ago, when his son was 4. He moved where he had to work. He rented a very cheap apartment in his, then current town. Visitation days changed but his amount of visitation never changed. Instead of taking his mid week time, he took every other weekend Thursday through Sunday night...then he either flew home or drove. It worked until his son went to college. His son never felt like "his dad was never there" It was the perfect solution.
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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I would say asking for most long breaks from school, and a large part of the summer is likely the most fair. At that age they won't want to be there the whole summer - they have lives where they are. Depending on how/whether BM celebrates holidays (and how you do) that would temper what I asked for in regards to that.
Iron out how transportation will happen. Who is driving where etc.
One thing DH did was get 1 weekend per month of his choosing. So if there was a 3day weekend he could take it and make it worth the trip. Sometimes he went there (god bless hotels with pools and the playstation) and sometimes they came to us. We tried to balance it as much as possible.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
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We are anywhere from 3 to 5 hours apart from dd's father, depending on whether we drive, traffic, if we ferry, which ferry etc. We are 2nd and 4th weekends. Supposed to be every other spring break/winter break and alternating Christmas break and Thanksgiving break. 3 summer weeks.
We ride the ferry with someone doing long distance from Cape Cod to Long Island which I'd say is about 6 hours. They do every 3 day+ school weekend is dad's and Mom does all transport. Dad gets every school break and I think she said 6 weeks during the summer. Alternating Christmas/Thanksgiving.
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Runswithscissors
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 05/29/04
Posts: 13381
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When ex moved 9 hours away the courts did this:
One long weekend a month (school holiday and every month usually has one).
4 weeks in the summer (2 in June, 1 in July and 1 Aug)
Rotated holidays as always-
Long weekend he was respnosible for getting our daughter- meaning he drove down here and got her... or stayed at his moms.....
Holiday and summer vacation I was responsible for getting her up to him....
Typically on the summer thing- we met half way-
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Nicole
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/25/05
Posts: 1762
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Thank you everyone for your input. We met with our lawyer yesterday and he seemed positive about what DH is asking for.
One weekend a month (probably the long weekend that school offers)
Summer Break: BM gets week after school lets out and week before school begins and DH will get the rest
Spring Break
Rotate other holidays
Lawyer said that we would meet half way. That obviously he would pay child support but if mom refuses to meet half way and we had to drive the whole trip that his child support would drop because of that. I had never heard of that but he said a lot of things have changed regarding custody since the divorce decree.
BM told me that if we took her to court she was going to get full custody and that skids had been telling her they are tired of coming to our house every other week and they would rather do every other weekend. She told me this after she knew we were moving this distance. I guess to dig it to us that the kids don't want to spend time with us.
I am worried about the time between our move (in 2 weeks) and when we get a new decree. Lawyer said our current decree would stay but we would obviously not be able to take all of our time. I just think its going to be a battle again and really pray that it will go better. The kids are older now and I really don't want them to feel anything negative regarding this.
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Nicole
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/25/05
Posts: 1762
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Lawyer also was suprised that we each drive about 120 miles a day the weeks we have them. He told DH no judge would question his dedication to his kids.
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