MTmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/23/07
Posts: 2711
Loc: MT
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Hi all. DH's ex won her move away case about 18 months ago and was allowed to take SS11 and SD15 out of state with her boyfriend.
Prior to the move, BM's BF worked for me. His new job was working out of state for one of our direct comptetitors. In court, BM testified that BF was really her 'fiance' and the judge's findings in favor of the move cited the fiances emotional and financial support as one of the reasons he granted the move.
Before the move, DH had his son 50/50. SD15 is not his biological child, but he adopted her after after SS11 was born when BM began accusing her biological father of molesting her. At the time, DH had no reason to doubt BM and believed her, resulting in the adoption. DH has had little to no contact with her after the divorce because BM wouldn't allow it. Also after the divorce, BM contacted her first ex husband and arranged extended, unsupervised visitation periods for him with SD14. DH now doubts that the molestation ever happened.
After the move, DH was given EOW and 8 weeks in the summer with SS11. The judge ordered visitation with SD14 to be 'at SD14's discretion'. BM refuses to allow DH any access to SD14 via phone, internet etc, and refuses all of DH's requests to see the child or have her sports schedules etc.
Since their relocation a year and a half ago, DH has moved heaven and earth to make certian he hasnt missed a single visitaiton period with his son. In addition, he drove almost 500 miles round trip to attend everyone of his football games this year except for one.
Fast forward to today - BM's fiance left her. He called me, and reapplied for his old position. She was living in his home, which he has now sold. He has already moved back to MT and has a new girlfriend already. BM refuses to give DH any information as to what is going on with their children. SS11 is failing 4 courses all of a sudden. DH has no idea where his children are living, or how BM will support them now. SS11 is sullen and withdrawn and refuses to discuss it with DH on weekends. His mother has forbidden him to tell his father anything and it makes him physically ill.
DH doesn't want to put his son thru anymore stress.. but is genuinely worried about what their living situation may be. What options, if any, does he have?
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Cassie23
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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Wow- I guess here is an example of a 50/50 time split where the one parent was allowed a move away.
Did your H speak to his lawyer? Poor SS!! I cannot imagine having to deal with all he has in the last year and a half. I was hoping at the very least that BM would have kept a stable and structured home for him. Is there anything in your H's decree that states she has to give him current address or notice if she moves??
I didn't realize you two were married! Congrats if it happened while you were away from here or if I missed it before.
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MTmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/23/07
Posts: 2711
Loc: MT
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Thanks. After BM moved away with his kids, we were able to focus on us. My DS10 is flourishing and we're all doing really well here.
His kids are going thru such a turmoil. It's as if the rollercoaster they live on never gets a chance to stop. We have not contacted an attorney. DH wants a new one, because he is disappointed with how his last one handled the move away. But short of hiring one to rush into court - there isnt much one could do for us. Her attorney basically fired her about 3 months after court. DH had been in contact with him to gain her compliance with the courts order. When she wouldnt listen to her attorney, he withdrew and dropped her as a client.
The parenting plan requires 30 days advanced notice of any move that would substantially affect the other parents parenting time, or 24 hours notice of any change in address, phone number, or employment. But she rarely follows any provisions of the parenting plan, and pushes visitation as far as she possibly can, so DH isnt surprised that she isnt complying now.
According to her facebook page, she is "Never coming back here". But DH is concerned for how she will support the children.
She lives in a very low unemployment, very tight housing market, very heavy oil activity area. He cannot figure out where she will live, or how she will provide for the kids outside of his CS, which we don't think will be enough for them.
He has tried asking her, she just refuses to discuss it. We don't want to rush to court, and have agreed that we wont fight for custody of the kids, unless they want to live her. For now, SS11 appears to prefer living with his mother and visiting us, and SD15 has no contact with us outside of the gifts we send for holidays
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LeAnne
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/18/05
Posts: 10232
Loc: missouri
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I would talk to lawyer and bring up the educational neglect. Bm had SK's living in a car for 3 months...we had no clue.
Have you thought about hiring a private detective?
Oh and I have been wondering about you...congrats on getting hitched.
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Empty Nesting
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MTmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/23/07
Posts: 2711
Loc: MT
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Thanks Leanne. Nothing fancy. Just the courthouse for us. Between the 2 of us and our respective legal bills, we have a lot of catching up to do on our retirement savings and 3 kids to put thru college, so we decided against the fuss. But things are good. My DS is doing fabulous and loves DH.
We have just started talking about things like detectives, lawyers, etc. But we're both so hesitant to start another war. We just dont have the stregnth for it! As the days progress though, and no information is revealed, I know in my heart that we're going to have to find another attorney.
He's been trying to document a case of educational neglect. But isnt quite sure what to do. He has emails, letters, and text messages to BM trying to communicate, asking how he can help, etc etc. She always tells him that DS11 is doing "good enough for DS11" or to "Talk to his teacher like I do". Last week, the teacher sent DH a very legnthy email detailing DS11's struggles. Long story short - he is very capable, but the problem is 100% effort and attitude, and he is to the point that she fears he will fail and will continue to fail the following grades as well.
DH sent that email off to BM with a letter asking her to please discuss it with him, and offering to do anything we can from here and reinforce any consequences and rewards she is willing to implement, but she has not responded.
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LeAnne
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/18/05
Posts: 10232
Loc: missouri
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Well I would start with a detective, Bm will not know she is being watched. See what is going on through the detective, before you go the lawyer route. I would spend my money there and when you have proof, then go for the lawyer.
If you are going to go for custody, you want a ton of proof to make it a slam dunk case.
Now she might be going the government assistance route, such as HUD housing, foodstamps, and free medical. Your hubby pays quite a bit, so she might be able to survive rather well.
Hopefully she is not going to do the man hopping with the kids?
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Empty Nesting
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MTmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/23/07
Posts: 2711
Loc: MT
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We hope not too.
We have decided not to go for custody of the kids unless it's what they want. They have been in the middle of a custody fight almost continually for the past 7 years.. no more.
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LeAnne
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/18/05
Posts: 10232
Loc: missouri
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So spy, watch from afar, keep telling son that he is welcome, D you know she is not coming.
Maybe if you hire ex fiance back, he might fill you in? Heck maybe call him and he can fill you in now?
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Empty Nesting
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MTmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/23/07
Posts: 2711
Loc: MT
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I did rehire him out of another location - with the understanding that he and I are no longer blending our work relationship with our home life. I want to keep a strictly professional relationship with him at this time and dont want to involve him.
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LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
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Congratulations on your marriage MTMom! Sorry things with the BM turned out badly. No advice, just wishing you well.
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