Char9
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 2942
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So I was talking to oldest SD and it seems BM, her H, younger SD and her kids are going to be driving to AL for the graduation of SS. Good luck, traveling with a 2 and 6 year old? Oldest wants to go too, but can't afford to fly. She said she would ask H if he could buy her plane ticket as a bday present to her. It's $347. We have contemplated driving, and asking SD to come too, however she would HAVE to be in the front seat with her youngest (6 months) in back with me! Hell no. I am not driving with a baby 1,000 miles in the back seat just b/c she gets car sick supposedly? H wants to go, but doesn't want to drive with a baby. He's not keen on paying that much for a plane ticket either. How will she get around when there? She hasn't asked him yet, so we will see how this pans out. Am I wrong for not wanting to drive with a baby that far? Am I being selfish for being pissy about being in the back seat? Still not sure what to do about the dogs. But now that H has said he wants me to be there as well, I guess I'm going. LOL.
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Arden
old hand
Reged: 02/27/06
Posts: 858
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Oh Char,you have got to learn to stand up for yourself. If you don't, no one else will. You have spent years conditioning this bunch to put you in the backseat, both figuratively and literally it would seem.
First, thing you do is stop mulling it over and over and over again.
Next, you stop waiting for them to make their plans.
Third, you stop waiting for them to change the plans they made.
Last, stop thinking, caring, worrying, knowing or generally giving a damn what BM is going to do.
You firmly and soundly make your plans. You then very clearly tell your SD; "Oh it would be nice if you COULD ride with us. It is such a shame that won't be possible with your car sickness and being unable to sit in the back seat.
As far as your DH buying her the ticket...well like usual that is up to him. I would ask him/remind him that he will in turn be spending $347.00 on a birthday present for one if his grown kids. Is it normal for him to spend that much of his kids for their birthdays? If it is, fine he can buy the ticket. If not, he can decline.
Char. people miss things all time all the time. Sometimes due to money, sometimes distance, sometimes time. That's life. If she can't go, she can't go. It will not end the world, not even her world.
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Loretta
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 3950
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Exactly what Arden said. You need confidence, honey. You are a good person, trust yourself more. Yes you made a mistake early on, it is what it is, quit beating yourself up over it. Forgive yourself. Hold your head up and take your rightful place in your marriage. They may not like the new you at first, people don't like their doormats to take back control....at first. Once they get used to it? They will respect you more.
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Char9
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 2942
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:) Thanks, I needed that. I already told H I will NOT sit in the backseat. LOL. Honestly, I really don't care what BM is doing for this. As for H, he typically spends $200-300 on bdays for the kids. I too think he needs to put his foot down. They are adults. She told me her mother is riding her about it. I let it slip that I had so much in savings to her, however that is MY money. If H needs it for household expenses that is one thing. But to use it for the skids? Nope. I worked for it, earned it myself, it is mine to spend or keep as I see fit. H and I will discuss further but I really don't think he should shell out that much for her. She will just have to miss it.
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Gecko
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 19893
Loc: Third rock from the sun
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She said she would ask H if he could buy her plane ticket as a bday present to her.
---> I quit doing birthdays for the kids once they turned 21 outside of a card or phone call.
We have contemplated driving, and asking SD to come too, however she would HAVE to be in the front seat with her youngest (6 months) in back with me! Hell no. I am not driving with a baby 1,000 miles in the back seat just b/c she gets car sick supposedly?
---> Sounds like a trip ex-hubby and I made from Chicago to Ohio with his mother, his sister and her daughter. His sister was demanding to either drive or sit in the front seat...oh hell no! 1) We had borrowed MY mother's station wagon for the trip and no way was anyone but ex-hubby or myself driving. 2) No way would I disrespect my 60+ MIL by putting her in back.
Still not sure what to do about the dogs
---> Kennel or have someone come by twice a day.
---> PS - Double everything Arden said...grow a vagina.
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If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7139
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BM, her H, younger SD and her kids are going to be driving to AL for the graduation of SS. Good luck, traveling with a 2 and 6 year old?
-----> Why? I used to drive from TX to WI and back with 2 toddlers at least twice a year.
She said she would ask H if he could buy her plane ticket as a bday present to her. It's $347.
-----> I guess that's up to him.
I am not driving with a baby 1,000 miles in the back seat just b/c she gets car sick supposedly?
-----> I doubt anyone would agree you should but what's with the biotchy "supposedly" with a question mark attitude about?
But now that H has said he wants me to be there as well, I guess I'm going.
------> I think the bottom line is that you don't want to go so everything about it bugs you. Not to mention your H can't say no to his kids so if he doesn't buy the ticket he will feel guilty enough to let her ride along.....even if he agrees he's not going to. I'm thinking you better be extra super clear about your stance on the back seat otherwise she's going to be riding along.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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Char9
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 2942
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B/c I never had kids and do not think *I* should have to compromise. I've never seen her get "sick". Now MIL I believe would be car sick. Of course I "want" to go, but to make so many compromises about it? A majority of the time H does put me first, but I'm still wondering if I'm being selfish not wanting SD and her baby to come with us? I would not handle traveling that long (11 hours) with a baby. I've only done long car trips with adults. All I am saying is they need to learn to manage their finances better. If she can't afford to go, then she doesn't go.
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Char9
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 2942
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3 dogs, one aggressive. Ok, kennel it is. I just hope the aggressive one doesn't bite another dog.
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M5M5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 11736
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Excellent post and I agree.
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Gecko
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 19893
Loc: Third rock from the sun
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but I'm still wondering if I'm being selfish not wanting SD and her baby to come with us?
---> Hon...parents don't even want to travel 11 hours in a car with a baby, so why would anyone else?
If she can't afford to go, then she doesn't go.
---> EXACTLY. It would one thing if it was an emergency, but she's known about the graduation for a year and could have saved for it.
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If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!
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