Char9
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 2942
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I went for my first session last night. I gave him my background, parents, skids, etc. I explained to him that my goal was to find a way to deal with the resentment and jealousy I have of H's kids. And to learn how to talk to him about how I feel about their "taking advantage of him" (in my opinion) without being defensive or accusatory. He also agreed with a past therapist that I was abused by mum. I really need to figure out who "I" am and learn to deal with the feelings of insecurity and lack of self esteem as well. I go back next week and will continue until I can hold my head up high and regain my self confidence. It's going to be hard, but I know it's something that I need to follow through. I appreciate all your support and advise over the years, and will keep you posted on progress if you want to hear it. LOL.
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spinnerdegrassi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/20/06
Posts: 7952
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I think you just need to verbalize to the kids themselves that they're leeches. I do it to patients all the time who are manipulative...call them out on it directly. They hate getting caught.
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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Yes, and then you never have to see them again. Char doesn't have that luxury. Her husband wants a relationship with his kids.
I am glad your therapist seems to have a handle on both issues. That part of the problem is your DH is lenient with his needy kids (cares too much if you will). The other part is your perspective is distorted by your own upbringing which was completely opposite (not enough care and nurturing).
Good Luck. Changing your perspective and inner monologue is hard work, maybe even embarrassing to be that brutally honest with a stranger to get help, but totally worth it.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
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Quote: Changing your perspective and inner monologue is hard work
------------->> This bears repeating/emphasizing! A therapist isn't going to fix it for you. There's no magic "AH-HA!" thing they are going to say or do for you. Their job is to help YOU figure out for YOU how to change your perspective/how you think.
30 years in therapy? My mother (who is emotionally abusive and physically too when I was a kid.. to this day I watch what I say b/c I wouldn't put it past her to haul off and pop me one if I pissed her off too bad.. I think she came close, 3 years ago this 4th of July.. she hasn't changed at all) STILL hasn't changed the inner monologue. STILL. Oh, she spits out the right psycho-babble etc and TALKS about how much she's learned/changed. Hasn't. Don't let it turn into a thing where you just have a sounding board to tell you how right you are and how wrong everyone else is.
Oh and that's not just me making the note about my mom and what happens if you DON'T use therapy properly. I actually had NOT made that connection, of just how long it's been.. My FATHER did. Complete waste of time he said. Can't get unstuck from the past.
Use the therapy to help you LET GO.. to LEARN. Don't use it as a crutch.
I truly wish you the VERY BEST with it Char. It's something you need to do for yourself.. use it wisely :)
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Char9
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 2942
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I know, and I totally get the fact that *I* am the one who has to do the work, the therapist only "guides" me. At my age, over 50, it's well past time for me to be me, not a carbon copy of mum, dad or anyone else. We'll see how that works. LOL. Thanks for the encouragement.
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Char9
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 2942
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The funny part is that I told the therapist what I neede to work on. :) And I know I have a lot of work to do, but H is supporting me and will help me through this, he said whatever it takes to make me happy. Thanks again for the support.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6462
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Good luck,Char
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