ApolloCreed
recently joined
Reged: 05/01/12
Posts: 5
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Hello, thanks in advance for reading my post and sharing your knowledge. My ex and I have been divorced since '08, she filed in '06. We have joint custody of our son, 7, and things have been difficult for me, to say the least, thanks to her. She has amazed me at her resolve to make my life as difficult as possible in trying to be a part of his life. She refuses to co-parent. Whenever there would be an issue that required custodians to decide, she had used her cop ex-bf's expertise to teach her what to say and she'd go into the police station and tell an officer that I threatened to kill her, despite no other evidence than the cop judging things by her demeanor. I'd get arrested, a PO would be issued, and if she was ever questioned why I wasn't allowed to have a hand in a custodial decision, she'd point to the PO and hide behind that. She said I threatened to kill her at least 20 times in 6 years, once making the claim inside the actual police station in the lobby area. She stopped once her cop bf dumped her, therein she tried to seduce the GAL to gain his favor in court matters. Once that failed, she has most recently tried to befriend my family members, which has no real impact on family court matters, yet, but it does make me look bad in the court of public opinion. Anyways ...
I am semi-retired and any work I do is from my home. About a month ago, my son said "Dad, I think you're a great dad to me", (gee, thanks son lol) and he said he wanted to spend the summer living with me, which I'd love. So my question is as follows: With my circustances listed above, what should I list as reasons to flip the summer schedule, live with me, visit mom? Also would I request a change to access or would this be defined as a custodial change??? Fyi, the mitigating change, which is required in my state of residence, would be that I can now be a stay-at-home dad vs previously having to commute 2 hours back and forth to work Mon-Fri. However, there are other reasons I could also list which include 1) I live in a house where he has his own bedroom on a huge lake and it's almost like a summer camp for kids, whereas mom rents an apartment in a 'concrete jungle' of congestion in a less-than-ideal neighborhood, 2) they have communication issues whereby he can't understand her reasons for some things she does - when he has requested that I get involved as a translator,she has ignored me (again refusing to co-parent), 3) my son and I get along famously and he has been asking to live with me for over one year now, 4) sadly, he's had to attend anger management last year due to their inability to communicate, and 5) she will have to work throughout the summer, although I don't know where - he could live with me and I'm always available or he can live with her wherein she will send him to her relatives to babysit him without giving me first right of refusal (we already tried that, with no success - tough to do ROFR when parental alienation is going on).
Lastly, in my request, should I address her previous tactics, and get ahead of that potential issue before the judge has a chance to bring it to light? I would do so by explaining I've never had any run-ins with the law before the divorce, I've never laid my hands on any woman (including her), and that she dropped the 'death threat' in advance of any life situations for my son that reqiured custodial input ...
Thanks in advance for your advice. Apollo ...
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annieo
veteran
Reged: 07/07/10
Posts: 1408
Loc: Pacific Northwest
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You may get more helpful responses if a few things are known first.
What state has jurisdiction?
Does she actually have a current PO on you?
Do you have 50/50 physical or joint legal?
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ApolloCreed
recently joined
Reged: 05/01/12
Posts: 5
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Thanks for the heads up ...
CT has juris ... no POs, the last one was last spring when she decided on what elementary school he's enroll in, we have joint legal - my access is sleepover every Wed PM and then EOW ...
Thank you and btw, love your signature tag about failing ... nice perspective
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SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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DO you have 50/50 custody?
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ApolloCreed
recently joined
Reged: 05/01/12
Posts: 5
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SRS,
We have joint legal, residency w/ Mom - which in hindsight, is a joke. Mom doesn't include me in their life so, I never even know what they're up to, let alone have a say in the big things ... Parental Alientation in its finest form!
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SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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So, the first step I'd take is to get involved with your child. Make sure you are at concerts, volunteer for field trips, go to sports events. You will have to get on the school's website and make friends with the office, but do it.
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ApolloCreed
recently joined
Reged: 05/01/12
Posts: 5
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Thanks, I got all that stuff down, it was the more difficult things to track, like sports, wherein she'd enroll him and not tell me - but now, he's old enough that he'll just ask "Why dont you come to my game?" etc .... Anyways, I'm trying to figure out how I should best communicate my 'motion to change access' request in lieu of the garbage the court has already seen from ex-wife's motions - any thoughts??? I want him to be where he wants this summer, which is most important to me, but I'd like to take the high road on this vs the mud-slinging. Thanks
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SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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THe first step is to be involved. Hard to change custody if you aren't.
Hard to change custody at all, btw, without some major change in circumstance. You retiring may not be enough - especially since the current arrangement has been status quo for a long time.
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