Cassie23
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Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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Last year my sister left her BF of 9 years to move across country to someone she met on FB (and knew in HS). She spent thousands of dollars to fix up his home and move. She left her two kids with their Dad, but within the month moved back. She was out about $13k.
She went back because she rekindled her relationship with BF of 9 years. He actually came and got her. 2 months later she met someone else on FB (someone from HS) and moved in with him, again leaving her kids and spending more money to stuff that she needed.
They have been together 4 months and both her kids are visiting for the summer. The son will stay and daughter will go back across the country to where she grew up and live with her Dad.
New BF has a 6 yr. old.
So here's my question....she posts pics of his kid and writes, "Our son" or "My son" or "my boys". Now the mother of 6 yr. is VERY in the picture. I think they have a 60/40 or so time split (her being primary placement). One time she did write, "my stepson".
Anyone else see this on FB? Anyone else DO this on FB? Do you think it's normal and do you agree with it?
It just rubs me the wrong way because he has a MOTHER and sorry but he is NOT her stepson. I wonder how she would feel if her X's GF wrote that about HER kids? Her X and his GF have been together 5 plus years and I think the GF is very cautious about what she writes.
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gr8Dad
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Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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I have always made my feelings on this quite clear, it is up to the kids what they CALL the other parent, but in todays day and age, who cares what the PARENT refers to the kids as? I have kids with INTACT parents, who call me Dad, and my kids call their parents Mom or Dad.
I WILL say that, if you look on here and in general, this appears to MOSTLY be a problem for women. Not sure why that is, but you will rarely see a man complaining about the kids calling someone else Dad, or a guy referring to the kids as his.
I have also observed, as you stated in your post, that many who have a PROBLEM their kids calling someone else "mom" or "Dad" or the parents referring to the kids as theirs, have NO problem violating their own rules when it comes to THEIR future relationships.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7784
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I worked with a girl who encouraged her BF's kid to call her mom (2-3 y/o). Mom was in jail at the time. They ended up getting married. Then she got pregnant with someone else's baby. So they divorced. Felt so bad for the kid. He lost his mommy. Some gal swoops in, says 'I'm your mommy' and then leaves. Lord knows the effects that could be on a child.
I think it's a little presumptuous to refer to you BF/GF's children as my son our my kids.
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7784
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*or my kids... I meant.
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Cassie23
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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It may an issue I have because of my own stepfamily experience. BM made it known very early on she felt like we were the fun parents and she didn't want me to necessarily take on a "parental role". Having been in SD's life now 18 years and with her Mom having NO contact with her at all in over two years I will call her my daughter at times.
I just feel like both her BF and her make no qualms calling the boy's mother a "deadbeat living off of welfare" and don't hesitate to give any snide remarks in regards to her not living up to their standards. I don't know the woman, she could suck for all I know, I guess I feel like it is a lack in common courtesy. The timeline bothers me a bit too, they are only very few months in.
I'm glad you replied because I like to get others thoughts and feelings on this.
Btw I do have kids whose parents consider themselves "second Moms" to my kids. So I get that whole closeness one feels. I just wonder if posting on FB, knowing that the two have mutual friends, is overstepping by a non-step?
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Cassie23
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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Yes very sad. Another reason why I wasn't on board with my sister just moving from the house she shared with her BF of 9 years to the new BF's house. What if it all ends? How will that effect the 6 yr. old?
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6458
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My best friend and I growing up were inseperable, so we both called each other's mom, "Mom" Those were relationships that developed over time though.
I don't consider a few months with a boyfriend/girlfriend's kids "time"
Sounds like your sister "falls" too easily and is more in love with the idea of being in love, than working at a real relationship. Some how, she has extended that to kids.....who leaves their own behind and calls someone else's kid "their's" after a few months ? That's screwed up.
Short answer......yes, I find her behavior on calling a bf's kid "ours" after a few months offensive.
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Maury
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 8146
Loc: This Asylum --->
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Completely inappropriate in my opinion.
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Loretta
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 3940
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^^^^Have to agree with Maury.^^^^
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Gecko
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 19803
Loc: Third rock from the sun
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Anyone else see this on FB?
---> Honestly, I don't pay attention to that kind of petty stuff.
Anyone else DO this on FB?
---> I have posted pictures of my kids and Jack's son...together and separate, but I don't think I made an 'issue' about who kids "belonged" to who.
Do you think it's normal and do you agree with it?
---> Yes and no. Until about 20 years or so ago...it was normal for step-parents to refer to their step-children as 'their' children or 'our' children and for step-children to call their step-parents "Mom" or "Dad" (or some derivative). Of course, back then, people actually got married and so it was appropriate. It was even 'normal' to call your in-laws "Mom" and "Dad". And when I was in Junior High and High School, I can remember calling several of my BFF's parents "Mom" and "Dad" and they called my parents "Mom" and "Dad".
---> But it's different today...marriages fall apart so easily, people are so insecure, folks aren't getting married and we're so into 'labels' and being 'politically correct'. Geez Louise! I think it SUCKS big time that kids can love their babysitter or daycare provider, but they aren't allowed to love their step-parent. And it's okay for step-parents to help pay for their step-children, but gawd forbid they should be allowed to love them.
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If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!
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