jkec
recently joined
Reged: 03/09/06
Posts: 3
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Hello to all, I have been watching this site for awhile, just have a couple questions I hope someone can help me with. I am in Michigan, and filed for divorce 5 weeks ago. Hubby still lives in house, with no intentions of leaving anytime soon. We already decided I am keeping the house, already been to court to take care of the child support/visitation issues. pretty much already decided on all the property also, with him getting half of my 401K also. My issue is he will not stop bugging me for sex. I told him I wanted to do this as easily as possible, and want us to get along, and we have been except for this issue. I have no intentions of having sex with him, he just won't stop harrassing me, literally. Touching, kissing on me, etc, etc. It is soo stressful. The question is this, someone told me that in Michigan, if you have sex anytime after you file divorce, it makes the divorce null and void, you lose all your money and have to refile. I am thinking he knows this and thats why he is so desperate, my sister thinks he is just trying to get me pregnant. I never heard of anything so ridiculous as that, but am now concerned that he is going to tell the judge we have been having sex all along, and it will turn into a he-said/she-said mess. I would believe that if this is true, his lawyer let him know this, cause his lawyer is being very dirty about things. Telling him to get a paternity test on our 8yr old who he put his name on her birth certificate, we all know she isn't his, just so he wouldn't have to pay child support!!! Hubby refused, said he would never hurt his kids like that, and I have to pay him child support anyways. Lawyer also told him to absolutely not leave the house, he would give up all rights to his kids, even though we have joint legal physical custody.
sorry for the book, just trying to stay a step ahead of him and trying to figure out if this sex thing is true and thats why he won't stop molesting me.
Thanks in advance for any help, I haven't been able to get ahold of my lawyer, she is at a seminar.
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MamaKitty
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/30/06
Posts: 1632
Loc: California
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Hmmm... well either that, or suddenly now that you're split you've become attractivel unavailable, which some people have a thing for.
I've never heard of anything regarding sex after divorce... and haven't been able to understand anyone who's admitted to even having sex during a separation. Why would anyone want to have sex with the person they're divorcing?
It does make sense that if you got pregnant right now it would be pretty messy, so that's at least one reason to say 'paws off'.
Lordy- how is he even getting close enough to kiss you?
ugh.
c
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jkec
recently joined
Reged: 03/09/06
Posts: 3
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he just won't leave me alone. He is convinced he will be alone forever, that I have someone in mind already to date, and I just want to be alone and focus on my 4 girls and give them all my time and attention. I still just think he's got alterior motives, besides the fact that he seems to need sex beyond belief. I told him I have no desire to have sex with him or anyone else. Its the last thing I need. Thanks for the reply. I tell him all the time to leave me alone, and I have to get REALLY nasty and mean with him to get him to stop, but then it just starts again the next day.
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MamaKitty
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/30/06
Posts: 1632
Loc: California
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LOL... you have FOUR girls to take care of, and he thinks your main concern is finding someone new for a booty-call? Um, yeah- and you're probably dying to have another kid right now, too?
It sounds like ownership issues... you know, the 'dog peeing on all the trees' kind of thing. Is he staking his claim or something? I'm pretty sure if you can't make him stop then there's some way you can force it- though I don't know if you can get a restraining order to keep him from humping your leg.
Doesn't a sharp 'knee' in the chest work most of the time?
I know I shouldn't laugh, I'm sorry. It sounds horrible.
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Rebecca5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
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I would imagine that having regular intercourse would probably strengthen his case for a contested divorce.....but I don't know about the "null and void" part. I'll look around and see what I can find.
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jkec
recently joined
Reged: 03/09/06
Posts: 3
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Thanks to everyone for the posts, just really stressed about so much stuff right now, and him not leaving his hands off me isn't helping things at all. Him moving out would help incredibly, just don't see him doing it anytime soon. I can just see him telling the judge "We've had sex since she gave me divorce papers, so why is she trying to divorce me?" He isn't contesting the divorce, his lawyer filed the summons and complaint that he agreed with everything, including there has been a breakdown of the marraige. I just can't believe that I can't find any info about this sex thing anywhere, so I'm assuming it isn't true about the null and void thing. Otherwise I'm sure my lawyer would have said "Um, don't ever have sex with him, or the divorce is cancelled." He said/she said can't really do much of anything except irritate the judge anyways. I'm rambling, so I'll shut up, hope everyone else's situations are going for you as planned!!
Thanks again :-)
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Gecko
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 19807
Loc: Third rock from the sun
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The question is this, someone told me that in Michigan, if you have sex anytime after you file divorce, it makes the divorce null and void, you lose all your money and have to refile.
---> Never heard of anything so strange. Generally, it would only apply to separations. You might want to PM Maury, since I believe he has knowledge of Michigan law.
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If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!
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Maury
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 8146
Loc: This Asylum --->
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First of all, the behavior that you describe from your spouse, oddly enough, is not all that unusual. I see it in case after case. I amnot sure why it happens. I imagine it is a matter of being afraid to cut that final tie. Nonetheless, it can't lead to anything good.
Second, the people who told you that having sex may void the dissolution proceeding probably live in a state that still has some "fault based" divorce statutes. Generally, those are east coast states. In those states, their statutes include what is termed as a colling off period. That means the parties must reside separately for a period of time (usually a year) before teh divorce can be finalized. If they do not and decide to "knock boots" then it can invalidate the separation period and make it start over.
In most midwest states that is not true. It is not true in Minnesota. It is not true in Iowa or Wisconsin and I doubt that it is true in Michigan.
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Susanf31
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 10630
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I'd file for an emergency restraining order and get his butt out of the house!
He's assulting you if his UNwanted advances include touching you. I'd inform him that if he EVER touches you again, without your permission, you will call the police and file charges on him.
No one deserves to live like that!
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LinusluvsSally
addict
Reged: 08/23/06
Posts: 441
Loc: South Florida
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When I took my FL state required divorce class prior to my CO being issued in 2001, the instructor told us that research showed 75%(!) of divorcing couples continue a sexual relationship somewhat at least until the divorce is final.
He cited actual research and indicated that it had to do with the high stress levels caused by divorce and the fact that it's usually not the sex causing the divorce. But people who are comfortable and familiar with each other sexually can find release with each other even though they may hate each other in other ways.
When I heard that I looked over and my ex and she looked at me and we just grimaced at each other. The thought just made me shrivel up like a wet noodle, so to speak.
Anyways, I always thought that was a fascinating statistic (if it's even true).
But if you are being harassed then you should keep a diary or log of his actions and send him letters telling him to stop and if it continues you should call the police and then go get a restraining order.
Edited by LinusluvsSally (08/28/06 07:00 AM)
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