MetalMom
old hand
Reged: 06/04/05
Posts: 837
Loc: I'm in PA, case is in NJ
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Freebyrd...
05/13/06 02:33 PM
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This post about dragging the children into it came at a really appropriate time. My parents were separated when I was 10 & never divorced or got back together. The first 2 years I overheard some nasty things being said about my dad & saw my grandfather slam the door in his face when he came with gifts to see us. I never quite forgave him for that. I do understand why he was so angry but it hurt me when he did that to my dad. So I knew from personal experience that no matter what the parents do to each other, if I let the kids see my hatred of him, they'll hate ME for it.
Well, knowing that fact and preventing the kids from being dragged into it needs to work both ways. My ex is so good at projection, he managed to drag them into it and have them believe that it was me doing it. Actually, not my sons, just my daughter. We just argued today about him, and I feel beat up every time it happens. Turns out she listened to a phone conversation I had with my best friend about the sessions we've been having with a custody evaluator & she didn't like what I had to say. It was after 11pm & she was listening on an extension. This stuff started when she was 9 & she was rewarded with his attention and approval for providing him with info about me. It will never end. I don't think counseling will put an end to it because she believes what she wants to believe. It's so complicated....
But, I hope that anyone reading this will take your advice very seriously because no matter which side of the fence it comes from, dragging the kids into the mess really scr ews them up. It may not seem so harmful when they're still young, but when they get older they can be lost to you for good. And it can affect all aspects of their lives if they learn to thrive on conflict & they'll create conflict wherever they go.
I'm feeling pretty hopeless where my D is concerned right now. And I'm worried about the boys too, because what affects one member of the family affects all. The whole family could be divided over it.
My best friend lives far away & we only get to talk on the phone. When is it safe for me to talk about my feelings with my friend? Or isn't that allowed... are we not allowed to vent even when we think we have privacy? What a nightmare! When will it all end? Sorry for rambling...
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"Don't pee on my leg & tell me it's raining." - Judge Judy
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