Well, here I am again, asking for advice, and I have gotten some pretty good advice on this site.. so here goes. My son hasnt seen his Father since Easter, and prior to that his visitation wasnt regular. (on the weekends that he was supposed to come, he would call and cancel, or just not show up) My Husband left OCt '03, and I think he has seen the baby a total of 5 times since he left. He was granted visitation, and the judge had asked us if we would be flexible, and I said "Yes, I would." I just wanted to add that, because I dont want any of you to think that I made barriers with them to see each other. That isnt the case... I bent over backwards for this man to be able to see his son. I rescheduled things, declined invitations, etc. so we would be home at pick-up time, even though in my heart, I thought he wouldnt show up anyway....and I was right, and time after time... no show. We havent heard from Dave since Easter....as I said it was the last time he had seen him. He disconnected his telephone, and the only one that has the new number is his lawyer. Anyway... the baby (Victor) has been acting out against his father now. He refuses to play with any of the toys that Dave bought him, will not wear any of the clothes he got him, and just plain rejects anything that has to do with Dave. I dont know what to do. I knew his hurt would manifest in some way, but I never thought it would be to this extent. I hug and hold Victor when he does these things, as I really dont know what to say to him. He sometimes cries at night and says "Dave is BAD." Mind you, I have never bad mouthed David in front of the kids, and I have never told him to call his Daddy "Dave". I correct him when he calls him Dave, and it is a hard thing to correct him because I think for a 3 year old, if this is the way he feels, why am I correcting him. I also tell him that Daddy doesnt feel good, Daddy isnt BAD... what am I to tell him. Now I feel as if I am telling him the wrong thing when I tell him that Daddy isnt feeling well... I dont want the baby to worry that his Father is ill... but what else can I do? How can I explain to this child about what went on? (the here and now) After all, he is only 3, and thats what he lives in, is the here and now. Has anyone else gone through this with such a young child, ( he may be young, but he is pretty smart) I also want to add, that Dave was the stay at home parent... its not as if he was absent for this baby while we were married. He was disabled (back injury from a car accident that occured one month before we got married) and stayed home with the kids. So, Victor went from being close and loved by his Father, to never seeing him at all. He is more than upset, and I cannot blame him. Any advice on how I should deal with all of this? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Blessings, Sue
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"Don't Make Me Get My Flying Monkeys"
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