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Divorce Source Community Forums >> Stepfamily Issues

matilda
Pooh-Bah

Reged: 11/11/04
Posts: 2087

I understand your points

04/30/05 02:36 PM

BF understands my view points and isn't pushing me to have contact with his daughter-it's his family that is. The BM is trailer trash-had a child to collect CS and live on govt asst. They don't like how she is being raised and keep pushing for us to go after custody. What makes me angry is that I'm the one they talk to about it-not him. I guess they figure he isn't responsible enough(he admits that he avoids responsibility), so they want to put it on me. BF was on drugs/alcohol when 12 yo was conceived and has made bad choices in his life. I've known him since we were children. He wants to turn his life around, and he has been doing that. His mother is going to be upset with me and will deny childs misbehavior. I guess that I have to just accept that and make her fully aware of how badly behaved her grand daughter is and why I won't help him pursue custody(he doesn't want custody). He understands that I won't let him put his responsibilities on me again.

As far as disciplining our own daughter- I'm not too worried at this point. I'm am well educated on behavior modification/positive reinforcement theory etc. and plan using this to discipline her. She is a blank slate, so he can learn as we go along. The difference with the other daughter is that she was raised by her mother to be manipulative. He has never been a major part of her life. To try and change things after bad habits have been ingrained for years is much more difficult. Still he needs to get over the guilt feelings and try. I've told him in no uncertain terms that her behavior is unacceptable, and he understands and agrees with this. Due to limited contact and a mother who is a negative reinforcer any change will only be obtained after a well fought battle.

It's the paternal grandmother that is rocking the boat by creating situations and forcing contact. BF and I agreed that it would be best if he went to visit his daughter away from my home and work on establishing rules with her. Now grandma is bringing her down by us for several weeks to visit. He needs to work on establishing rules/discipline in a neutral area BEFORE he ever brings her here. I appreciate your response and you have given me things to ponder. I have already come to the conclusion that my daughter's safety is my first priority and comes BEFORE my relationship with her father. I don't think that I will have to make that choice because we talk and he understands my concerns--but Grandma WON'T:(

Post Extras

Entire topic
Subject	Posted by	Posted on
Boyfriends daughter misbehaves	matilda	04/27/05 10:08 PM
Re: Boyfriends daughter misbehaves	stressedout	05/09/05 10:11 AM
Pre-teens are pure misery	mommynurse	04/29/05 08:07 PM
Her mother encourages bad behavior	matilda	04/29/05 10:03 PM
Daddy doesn't do or say anything about badbehavior	matilda	04/29/05 10:00 PM
Re: Daddy doesn't do or say anything about badbehavior	AZRN	04/30/05 02:00 AM
I understand your points	matilda	04/30/05 02:36 PM
Re: I understand your points	AZRN	05/03/05 01:19 AM
What makes me angry is that I'm the one they talk	mommynurse	05/01/05 09:33 AM
Thanks for the support	matilda	05/01/05 11:33 AM
I make almost 6 figures	mommynurse	05/01/05 04:56 PM
Neglect is a regular occurence	matilda	05/01/05 05:31 PM
Re: Neglect is a regular occurence	mommynurse	05/01/05 06:47 PM
Re: I understand your points	sugarb	04/30/05 05:21 PM
Hee Hee	matilda	05/01/05 11:41 AM
Re: Hee Hee	willow820	05/06/05 10:08 AM
Re: Hee Hee	matilda	05/12/05 10:21 PM
Re: Hee Hee	sugarb	05/14/05 04:49 PM
Re: Hee Hee	matilda	05/14/05 08:57 PM
Slinging mud	mommynurse	05/08/05 09:33 AM
Re: Slinging mud	sugarb	05/08/05 10:17 PM
I agree	mommynurse	05/09/05 08:16 AM
Re: Hee Hee	sugarb	05/02/05 06:22 PM

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