>>>>They don't like how she is being raised and keep pushing for us to go after custody....What makes me angry is that I'm the one they talk to about it-not him. I guess they figure he isn't responsible enough (he admits that he avoids responsibility), so they want to put it on me.<<<<<
"Us?" Since you're not married, it would be him seeking custody. If they don't think he's responsible enough to even talk to about it--AND HE AGREES, it begs the question as to why they feel HE would make a better parent. Oh yeah...he's got YOU.
Insist he be a part of any discussions regarding his daughter. Period.
>>>>He wants to turn his life around, and he has been doing that.<<<<<
>>>>I've told him in no uncertain terms that her behavior is unacceptable, and he understands and agrees with this.<<<<<
>>>>I would work on her behavior, but when dad came home everything was undone.<<<<<
Agreeing is one thing. Acting on it is another. Your original post indicated he was NOT acting on it. If he is now, great. If he's not, what evidence do you have that he IS turning his life around, OTHER than the fact that he's no longer on drugs and living with a trailer-trash woman? Good intentions are nice, but they need actions to back them up. You mentioned several instances where he was categorically NOT in agreement, per his behavior.
If you want to know what people believe in, look at what they DO. If he really wants to turn his life around and be a better dad to her, he will back you up IN ACTIONS and words to her, not just words to you.
>>>>He...wanted to be the "good time dad" and not the disciplinarian.<<<<<
Bingo!! So, he's not really thinking of HER, he's just thinking of himself, right? He's not thinking of her best interests if he follows this course of behavior, since ultimately she will suffer for it and it certainly doesn't help YOU. It just makes things more comfortable for HIM. Wanting to be the "good time dad" means you have to be the "bad time mom." Are you up for that?
>>>>His mother is going to be upset with me and will deny childs misbehavior....Mother is controling and negative. She had her cop brother send her to juvenille hall for rolling her eyes and shrugging her shoulders.<<<<<
So on the one hand, she denies child's bad behavior to you, but has her sent to juvy for misbehabing at home with her?!? Rightly or wrongly, there is now hard "evidence" of the child's misbehavior, so the mother's denials would be yet another act in her low-class drama. Did someone mention Jerry Springer? ;-)
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Your reply to me changed the tenor and content of your complaint from the BF to the grandmother/MIL. You've mentioned several times in that reply and subsequent posts how understanding your BF is of the situation, all of which *appears* to have happened in the 2-3 days since the original post. I can see how the MIL might be a fly in the ointment, but your BF is still the ointment here, IMO.
You sound like a fairly bright woman, certainly a well-educated one. I believe you will figure things out and decide what you really want. Clearly, you love the BF enough to make the effort to work things out with him. I wish you well!