HO2
member
Reged: 08/14/06
Posts: 178
|
a saved marriage
08/14/06 05:17 AM
|
|
|
I came here 4 years ago. I had been married for 4 years and had 1 year old son. I was ready to leave my marriage for 'the love of my life'. I spent almost two years thinking about leaving my marriage and then opted for staying in the marriage. There was no counseling. I could not see what counseling should bring. I had gotten married to my husband, because I sincerely liked and respected his personality. Romantic love and passion had not been part of the equation... Could I go and counsel that out of nowhere into our marriage?
I still believe that not many men can stand up to my husband in terms of integrity and many other essential qualities. When I got married to my husband I felt that it was a sign of maturity that I would choose with my head and not just let my stupid heart pick out a foolish jerk, like it had done before. I chose to not get hurt and disappointed and I did not get hurt and disappointed and felt deliriously happy and blessed and clever, until all I thought I knew, all I thought I wanted, all I thought I was collapsed into nothing when I met the OM. You know, when you stop and call everything into question and when you ask yourself: Was I mature or just the ultimate cowardly fool? Who the heck am I ? What the heck am I doing?
I came here, I got answers. Passion is a 6-month thing. Kids need both parents. Selfishness. No greener pastures.
As our marriage had been a week-end marriage, I thought that in order to 'save' the marriage I would have to move to live with him on a daily basis and that is what I did after two years of feeling paralyzed.
Four years down the road I can say there was not a single day that passed without me thinking of the OM. Not because he is better than my husband. In no way is he better. In fact, if there is someone who can truly drive me crazy and make me mad and disappoint me beyond belief, it is him. It makes sense, cause only the ones who are deep in our hearts can really get to us in such a way. My husband cannot make me mad or sad, there are absolutely 'no problems' in our marriage. It is a very happy marriage. So 4 years further down the road, I am already in a 8-year-marriage, a good marriage.
From the way I feel I could stay married forever or divorce tomorrow. 4 years ago I lost my convictions and I never got them back. I live with 'I don't know, don't make me think about it.' I live with 'maybe he will leave me for someone younger when he gets into midlife crisis and things will dissolve without me being 'guilty'.' I live with 'I live without pain so I have every reason to be happy.' I live with 'it surely is the best thing for our kid'. I live with 'I terribly miss the one who is so deep in my heart that he can actually hurt me.'
A saved marriage. A saved marriage?
Well, a continued marriage. And unless there is abuse, everything is better than divorce.
Right?
|
|
0 registered and 5 anonymous users are browsing this forum.
Moderator:
|
Forum Permissions
You cannot start new topics
You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled
UBBCode is enabled
|
Rating:
Thread views: 4528
|
|
|
|
|
|
UBB.threads™ 6.5.1.1
|
Easily Connect With a Lawyer or Mediator
Have Divorce Professionals from Your Area Contact You!
|
|
|
|
|
The information contained on this page is not to be considered legal advice.
A local counsel or professional should always be consulted in regards to any legal matters.
"a passion for a better divorce℠" - established in 1996
© 1996 - 2013 Divorce Source, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Previous
Index
Next
Flat
Edit
Reply
Quote
