HO2
member
Reged: 08/14/06
Posts: 178
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Re: The end
09/07/06 03:31 AM
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Make someone move in with you who can help you.
Make sure to get all the help you can get. There is a lot of help out there. There are a lot of possibilities.
If you ever get close to feeling like this again, force yourself to think about your kids. Do you want them to grow up traumatized for life, because all their mother cared about was THEIR FATHER, and again THEIR FATHER, and again THEIR FATHER, and ONLY THEIR FATHER; I know someone whose mother killed herself, and I know kids whose mother attempted suicide. If you ever go down that road, know that that's the worst pain EVER to think the person you loved and depended upon - existentially and emotionally - just left you and did not give sh*t about what would happen to you. You condemn your husband for that , but you would turn yourself into a carbon copy of him, if you gave in to this selfish urge to be at peace. Actually you'd be worse than him, because you are 32 and you can find another man. They are helpless kids and a mother can NEVER EVER be replaced by ANYONE. Nothing ever would be able to heal their pain.
In a moment of despair, you might think that if you kill yourself, people would only see your incredible pain and they would think HE MADE HER DO IT , and maybe you even fool yourself into believing that at least THEN he would be crushed and die with remorse and pain. But the opposite will happen, people will only see the pain of your kids and they will say no wonder he left such a selfish, sick, immature person, and he will feel like 'what did I say!'. Don't make him look like a saint who had no choice but to leave a sick, selfish woman who spins out of control in moments of stress and crisis. This is not who you want to be. This is not who you ARE. Use all the resources you can get.
Your life is not over, just because you married a jerk like many other women out there. Your life is just beginning. Things happen for a reason. Often the reason is that things need to become better and something's got to give and break away so that there is room for something new and better.
By the way I know a woman who met the love of her life in a delivery room, he saved the life of her kid and was in every aspect just a dream. They are still very very happy and very much in love.
Hang in there.
Edited by HO2 (09/07/06 08:45 AM)
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