OK so we've been together for nearly 14 years. In all our time together, we've been supportive, loving, etc of our hobbies, beliefs - you know, all that stuff yer supposed to do naturally. No worries about affairs, nothin'. If anything, I would be the one to cheat simply because I work in the nightclub scene and well... you can imagine the offers I turn down (not always easy, but I just won't cross that line).
A few years back, my career stalled out a bit and I wound up getting involved with a desk job. After a while, she came to work at the same company. That was all fine + dandy, even tho we both weren't wild about the work. Finally, a great offer came in that allowed both of us to quit that gig. I went back into my preferred career, making enough money that when my wife declared that she wanted to quit that old job and become a writer, possibly volunteer at the library, etc - I told her to go for it. One of the things I find attractive in a person is a strong sense of personal motivation. Not so much a superhero, just a someone who takes some pride in their environment and their work. One who follows their dreams is always a big plus for me. After all, I live that way all the time.
So, after a few months she's stopped writing. And dammit - she's a naturally good writer. I read a lot - so when I read some of her short stories, I was really quite impressed. You want to quit and become a writer? You got the talent - make it happen.
She also hasn't done any of the other wonderful things she was interested is doing with all her new free time. Instead, she's become a bit of a social recluse, spending all her time either effin' around on Yahoo Answers debating religion for fun or sittin' around with a damn puzzle book. She almost never answers the phone, and is generally home. All. The. Time.
Meanwhile, I spend about 40-60 hours a week working on something I love to do, and getting paid damn good money for it. I don't begrudge her the financial responsibilty I've taken (I currently pay for everything, but I make enough that I really don't care), but I'm starting to feel taken advantage of. I wouldn't mind so much if she at least kept the house spic 'n' span (not that I expect her to be a live-in maid, but can I really be expected to do everything on top of my already hectic schedule?). After all, she has NO demands upon her time - so what's 30 minutes of housework a day?
I fear she is becoming very bored with everything. Bored with the house, the lack of any social interaction besides me... Sorry, but when I come home after x days of nightclub shows I just want to chill on the sofa, maybe watch some TV... after all, I have a job that forces me into social interactions, so when I'm off-duty I can be a recluse if I want, right? (And my take on housework? Pfft - I would totally hire a monthly housecleaning service if we both had enough demands on our time that could allow me to pretend we're too busy to clean the house ourselves.)
Warning sign: A few weeks ago we had plans to spend a night out with some friends. This was after a loooong holiday weekend that kept me very busy for nearly 10 days. So on the 11th day the last thing I wanted to do was go out. And she knew this, but we really missed these particular friends, so off we went. Now, as you can see I was in high-speed mode for nearly 2 weeks - yer brian just gets wound up into a state of constantly thinking about what you're going to do next... what's gotta be done.. ok the suit's on.. the tie looks good.. the wife's just come down the stairs in a new dress... looks nice... where are my shoes?.. oh - did she compliment me? Oops - I should compliment her: "You look great" "Wow - it took you a REALLY long time to say that!" We're talking seven seconds here. She's irritated at me all night for this gaffe, I'm trying to make nice and she's not havin' any of it. Fine. Be a pouty pain in the arse tonite. Whatever. Enjoy your righteous anger while you walk on that carpet you haven't been able to vacuum with all that free time you've had these past 3 months, Princess.
Today, she's finally showing some depression - or shall I call it boredom? When I ask her what's the problem: "Same thing it's been for, oh, 2 + 1/2 months - I need to get laid."
Gosh, what a great pick up line. And let's see... you're still wearing your fashionably unsexy PJs at 9pm? Wow. And the carpet's still not vacuumed? But you've showered? That's your offer? Man, I can't believe I'm just not a raving sex beast all over this woman...
The point is - she never used to be this way. I'm incredibly concerned that she is willingly becoming an unmotivated person, which is terrible for 2 reasons: 1. it's bad for you and 2. I intentionally don't associate with people like that very often. They depress me, and life's too short to be bothered with someone who's happy being terminally unhappy. Which means that my marriage in in trouble.
Doesn't she see this? She's normally very observant and sensitive to how other people react and express themselves. Doesn't she see the position she's putting herself into? Grrr.. do I really have to be the "bad guy" and pull this out into the open?
What do you think I should do? Obviously, I need to talk to her. Problem is: I'm really not sure how to get this one going. If she was simply a roomate and not my spouse, I'd have given her a "shape up or ship out" ultimatum by now. I seriously hope it doesn't come to this, but I am starting to wonder. Her spiraling attitude, the lack of visible productivity of ANY kind... it's really getting under my nerves.
Soooo anyone else have this similar problem? Any advice? Suggestions? Opening lines?
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