Cleo
newbie
Reged: 08/24/05
Posts: 42
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Preteen daughter putting friends before family
10/06/06 07:11 PM
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Has anyone else's child gone through a phase like this? I'm going crazy and would appreciate any insights or strategies!
DD just turned 12 and has been (IMO) obsessively focused on her friends since the summer. I took the kids to Disney World, and she almost ruined the trip with constant whining about how it was no fun with only her "dorky" family and preferring to watch Full House reruns in the hotel room rather than going to the parks. Over and over she said that she'd be having more fun if her friends were there, but that it was boring and embarrassing to be there with her family. I tried to tell her how hurtful her attitude was and she did not care, even when I told her I'd leave her out of future trips unless she became more appreciative.
Now that school has started, she's caught up in dances, slumber parties, and football games. So far I have let her go to every event, at least one each week. However, she begged off a scheduled weekend with one grandmother for Homecoming and has been refusing to come with her brother and me for walks and such. Tonight her other grandmother called to invite us to dinner - she lives an hour away and was nearby and hadn't seen us in over a month. DD claimed to be sick and unable to go, so DS and I went without her. My mother was crushed, especially when we returned from dinner to find DD on the computer happily IM'ing with her friends. I'm close to decreeing that she must visit each grandparent at least once a month (in sickness and in health, lol) in order to "earn" time with her friends.
On the positive side, DD has straight A's in school and is not a behavior problem at all. She hasn't gone Goth or tried to pierce anything scary, and has a wonderful, bubbly personality. The problem is, her family doesn't get to see that side of her any more - it's like she's saving it all up for her peers. How long will this last? And what can I do to address her unreasonably hurtful refusals to participate in family activities?
Again, insights and suggestions are heartily encouraged!
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