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shohn
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Reged: 11/24/06
Posts: 185
Loc: Texas
Re: Is it possible to love him again?
      11/25/06 10:11 AM

I was very similar to the fellow you describe except my drinking wasn't near as bad. I had to be completely torn down and rebuilt before I changed. My wife threatened me with divorce once and I did make some adjustments, but it was more like "checking the box". She never gave me any feedback that things were going poorly - then she pulled a surprise attack. I got so down without her that I took off a month from work to piece things back together. I had to really do some soul searching to get there.

A couple of points.

Does he "truly" understand how scared he is making you? I know I didn't. He may not think what he is doing is "that bad". Perhaps there is a way you can show him your perspective. Tell him that you are woman and that you need to be handled with care, etc.

Also, on the anger thing - he has got to sort that out. A counselor can help, but it has to be a good one.

I made up a web site (see signature) about the phenomenon since I had it at one point. I'm sure it is still in there buried somewhere deep, but I've since learned to control it. The counselors gave me breathing exercises (kind of like martial artists I expect) to act as a natural calming technique. Then I developed a series of mental images that I could pull up in a flash once I felt my anger headed towards "out of control".

One image was simply imagining myself without my wife. The other was her sleeping with another man if I continued to act this way. I pictured a set of "glass gloves" on my hands when we discussed sensitive issues. I told myself not to break the glass gloves almost as though I were some kind of monster.

As far as falling in love with him again. My wife fell in love with me again after I shaped up so it is definitely possible. The key for her was me showing selfless love. Does your man understand that part?

I hope some of this helps.


--
Shohn
www.glassgloves.com

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Entire topic
Subject Posted by Posted on
* Is it possible to love him again? Fab 11/08/06 01:51 PM
. * * Re: Is it possible to love him again? shohn   11/25/06 10:11 AM
. * * Re: Is it possible to love him again? Fab   01/20/07 09:59 AM
. * * Re: Is it possible to love him again? Fab   01/20/07 10:02 AM
. * * Re: Is it possible to love him again? Avaya   02/28/07 09:55 AM
. * * Re: Is it possible to love him again? Fab   02/28/07 10:45 AM
. * * Re: Is it possible to love him again? GeorgiaPeach   02/09/07 03:06 PM
. * * Re: Is it possible to love him again? Fab   02/20/07 08:28 AM
. * * Re: Is it possible to love him again? royce   01/20/07 10:42 AM
. * * Re: Is it possible to love him again? Fab   01/26/07 08:32 AM
. * * Re: Is it possible to love him again? royce   11/08/06 03:14 PM
. * * Re: Is it possible to love him again? Fab   11/08/06 04:44 PM
. * * Re: Is it possible to love him again? Maury   11/09/06 11:08 PM
. * * Re: Is it possible to love him again? Fab   11/10/06 08:01 AM
. * * Re: Is it possible to love him again? royce   11/11/06 06:07 PM
. * * Re: Buy this book liftnbhappy   11/13/06 12:42 PM

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