My son was 23 when my EX chose to leave our 30 year marriage. Other than speaking of how shocked I was... and bemoan that I could not convince EX to go to counseling, I did not share much info with son. EX and I went to an attorney a few weeks after he left. We got info on dissolution process and the attorney advised us on what he felt a judge would order as temp arrangements if I one of us would file. We split the expenses in a 1/3 me, 2/3 ex and he made 3 times my salary, and agreed to work toward dissolution. I gave that a 20 month try, and finally filed for divorce. Interestingly enough, the judge's order for temp spousal was more each month than Ex's 2/3 of expense had been as we just did that for house related stuff, utilities, taxes, insurance and repairs. I paid my own medical, car insurance, payment etc. The judge calcualted our income and all expenses and I was further ahead.
Sorry for the history, but thought it might relate. Once I filed for divorce, my son became frustrated over why it was all taking so long (perhaps EX had blamed me for that?) and so I told him the above, and of the difficulties I had had, and the extra attorney fees invovled for me, in getting the information I needed to come to settlement. There was no way to sugar coat the fact that EX had not cooperated in answering my attorney's requests for financial info. That is why I filed, so that I could use the court to get that info, and I was fed up with getting no where for 20 months. My son was shocked to know that once I filed my attorney estimated it would take 1.5 years unless EX saw the light on equitable distribution and we could reach a settlement agreement. From that point, as my son said he wanted to hear the legal update, and when he would ask me, I did so. Did not take long for him to reach to "divorce burn out" stage. His decision then was to distance himself from both of us and that period was the worst of my life.
As I type this, I think of how 5 days before our sons wedding, and just 8 days before our final hearing, after both signing a settlment agreement a month prior... EX fired his attorney, got a new one and petitioned to have the signed agreement set aside and go back. His new attorney used outright lies in his attempt to convince the judge. I had my witness there who could testify that those were lies. My attorney did a good job, and the judge also IMO because he said it was going forth with the agreement and told EX and his attorney to leave the court room.
To this day I can't remember if my son knows this or not. I do know I did not, would not, drop that bomb shell on him prior to his wedding and just can't remember any conversation with son regarding this so I have to assume I did not. I also do not think my son knows that EX petitioned the court in early Jan. of 2006 that I was in comtempt of the CO regarding sale of house. This was after the dead period between Thanksgiving and New Year for showings. During that time there was one request and I was home from work ill... running from both ends. I told the realtor they were welcome to come but I would not be leaving the house. The lookers opted out, did not want exposed to what Ihad. One other request for showing, and they asked to come in 1/2 hour. Was a SUnday morning, I was not even dressed yet and needed to do a quick pick up cleaning. I advised could be ready in an hour and they opted out as they were trying tuy squeeze the showing in between 2 others they had. And for that EX decided I was deliberating trying to delay selling of our home and took me to court. I countered with claim for my attorney fees on it as both my attorney and myself felt it was a bogus claim and that he was doing it do harass me.We proceeded and had a court date scheduled. Ironically that ended up being the day we had the closing for sale of our home. I could have pressed it for my attorney fees, but they were minimal at that point so instead she sent EX a letter saying I would drop my counter claim if he would drop his and reminded him it was a moot point as the house had sold. EX bit at that in a heartbeat because he has seen the court order him to pay on my attorney fees during the divorce.
I think this is something you just have to follow your instincts on. My feeling on the 2 court things mentioned above was.... my son had obviously gotten to the point that he did not want to hear the legal details (even though he would ask for updates every time we talked) and I did not want to risk his going through that again.
Good luck with whatever you decide. Part of me thinks that our adult kids need to know some of the things our EX's have put us through... and part of me thinks not.
Karen
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"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".
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