liftnbhappy
journeyman
Reged: 08/20/06
Posts: 69
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Re: What did I REALLY think would happen?
01/14/07 09:42 AM
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Hey ISutton. Girl, my advice is to just stop beating your head against that rock. You need to step back and just take care of yourself right now so that you are a whole person for your children. It really sounds like his affair and all that it entailed, the text messages, e-mails, the rotten things he said to you and to your children and the awful things he did to be vindictive and let her to do to you to be vindictive have defined your life and thought process.
You really need to get away from thinking about the affair and how he did you wrong. And he did you wrong, I am DEFINITELY not arguing that point. But you are going to drive yourself crazy obsessing over it. It really isn't getting you anywhere in your own mind or in your marriage.
I think you need to step back and take care of YOU. If he can't accept that at this point then so be it. Marriage isn't always 50/50, we all know this. Sometimes you give more than you get and you have been giving more than you've gotten for a long time now. It's time to take what you need, cause there isn't anyone else who is going to do that for you.
We are all here ready to listen to you vent and offer whatever little tid bits of advice that have worked for us or what panned out in our own stories, but ultimately it is YOUR story.
Shohn usually has a good bit of advice on these boards but I have to disagree with him on this. I think your husband is quite content in the fact that he never has to give you what you want because that takes effort and he really doesn't ever have to put much effort into it. You do that for him. If the only thing you are asking from him is that he has a job then that is the only thing he thinks he has to contribute. I think his guilt of what he had done this past summer ate him alive and he came home trying to be someone that he just isn't. And I honestly think it might not be someone he WANTS to be when the guilt wears off. So do you hang around and wait for him to do something stupid so you can guilt him into acting like a good husband or do you cut your losses and build YOURSELF back up.
At this point you need to worry about yourself and your children and if he wants to pick up the slack and participate too then he needs to do that on his own accord, not because you have hounded him into doing that. That is TOO exhausting for you to have to live like that. You already have 5 babies, you don't need a 6th.
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