I have been reading these post over the last week trying to take comfort in the fact that I am not alone in this - one of the most difficult, frightening, and depressing times of ones life. I just thought I would share my story, not only to make me feel better, but also on the chance it might help some others who are going throught this same thing.
First I will start out with I am (was) the husband and none of this was instigated by me. We were married for 24 years. When we got married, she had a 4 year old daughter from her previous marriage whom I raised as my own child ---and by that I mean raised...we worked opposite shifts and I would fix dinner and breakfast for my stepdaughter, get her ready for school, put her to bed at night, etc. Her real father was worthless, never paid a dime of support (literally nothing). It didn't matter...this was a child of the woman I loved, I couldn't help but love her as if she were my own. Two years later we had a child together...a son. In order for this not to become a novel, I will skip to the present....step daughter turned out like her father...loser..dropout at 15, pregnant at 16, could give a crap about anything that really matters in life...still I supported her and let her and child live with us until she was 24 and finally left. Our son is just the opposite...very responsible..currently in the Army serving in Iraq...(nothing like having a marriage end and a child in potential danger to really make you think about things!)
Anyway Oct. 2004 I discovered email on our home computer from her to her "boyfriend" about what fun they were having and about how easy it was to fool me and use me. I died that day. I confronted her when she came home from work...of course she denied it, but when you have their email in front of you, it's difficult to explain that away. To show you what a terrible bastard I am, I let her continue to live in our home until she found an apartment...(she could not afford to keep the house on her income, and I didn't want to sell it, so I kept it)...when she found an apartment, I rented the moving truck, loaded most of the furniture (damn close to everything we owned) and then waited for her new "friend" to show up to help load the heavy things (she had previously brought him over to my home and introduced him so we could all sit down and discuss the situation...that took restraint)...then drove to her new apartment, unloaded everything and was about to leave (to take the rental truck back) when she asked if I could help her new "friend" put the 4 poster bed back together...I told her I wasn't going to help put together something the two of them would probably be using later, and she got pissed off at me !!!! Okay, I know I have rambled, but I am still trying to figure out what went wrong. I am sure I am not the perfect husband, but I thought I was close....I did housework, I did all the laundry. I went grocery shopping with her. I sent her flowers for no reason. Bought her jewelery, never forgot her birthday / anniversery, etc. In 2003 I arranged for us to go to Las Vegas and renew our wedding vows...new ring and all. I never physically abused her. Never cheated on her (even though the oppurtunity had occured when I traveled for business - I could not live with myself if I did that). Raised her child and our child.....and in the end I get..."I love you, I'm just not in love with you". I guess I am writing today because the final divorce papers have been signed and are just waiting for the judge to sign off on them....I paid off all her debts except her car payment, plus gave her an extra $15,000.00---total of about $40,000.00 plus literally all of the furniture, computer, jewelry, etc. I just hope some day this pain will go away...I still don't understand what went wrong....it's like a song from Tom Petty - "anything can happen, anything can end. Don't try to fight it don't try to save me...she's a woman in love, and it's not me" Thank you for listening to my rant....