mlh53
member
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 110
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Re: Is time the great healer?
07/21/05 06:29 PM
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Hi bacall,
Good to see you on the board. It's been awhile. Anyway, to answer your question. Yes I think after the rollercoaster of divorce starts to even out and we get past the hurt, anger, disbelief, etc. we do change. And time does heal alot.
I can't speak for anyone else but I know I've changed dramatically. I've come to realize how strong I am; to listen to my instincts; to take more chances; to appreciate the talents I have and use them; to listen to the beat of my own drummer and not someone elses; to appreciate really good friends more as they are far and few between; and that life is darn short and it's such a waste to dwell on the negative or the past for long. I relate to people better. Listen more. And am not nearly as judgemental as I used to be. The list goes on and on. And I'm still a work in progress and learning new things about myself and others everyday.
Why? What has caused all these changes? Being set free; not being overshadowed and controlled by a very dominant personality; not living my life for everyeone else. When the X first left I wondered how I was ever going to make it on my own. Well here I am and doing fine. But it was the divorce that forced me to look deep inside myself, to change what was not working, and 5o become more independent. I even credit the X with some of these positive changes as I sincerely took some of his criticisms or reasons why he was walking to heart and asked myself if he could be right. And he was in some areas.
So yep, I think divorce can change people if they choose to do so. And these changes can be for the better. It's all up to the person. We can become stuck, brooding, and negative about our bad luck at picking someone wrong or we can say, hey, how can I improve things now that I'm free? How I can change for the better so as not to repeat the mistakes of the past?
There's something I guess about life altering events like divorce, death of a loved one, and kids moving out that force introspection and change whether we like it or not. I know all those events have changed me alot and I think for the better. It's the old how can I make lemonade out of life's lemons attitude.
Hopefully the changes you're going through are eye opening and for the better and helping to give you more a sense of who you are, your strengths and weaknesses, and where you might improve. It would be shame if any of us here went through the trauma of divorce without trying to learn some important lessons from it.
Melanie
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