bacall
enthusiast
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 274
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Re: Is time the great healer?
07/22/05 01:07 PM
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Dear Melanie,
Good to hear from you again, too. Well, I posted that question the other day just to see what the responses might be. Today (the roller coaster effect still working well, unfortunately) and yesterday I am so down in the dumps, it is hard to imagine that there is light at the end of the tunnel and I'm definitely not expecting the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. In some respects, what the divorce has done to me is question the good "things" that I used to believe in -- I don't think that is what is supposed to happen. I think your post is what is supposed to happen -- that you reflect overall on your life, change the parts of you that you can or want to, forgive or at least heal and then move on. I feel today (at least) that I have been running in place. Things are actually getting worse (still unresolved financial issues that I just can't seem to focus on or even try to deal with -- extraordinarily depressing and disappointing -- I mean to say, I am depressed and disappointed in myself -- have been for quite a while, under the layer of trying to, as much as possible, always do the right thing. The divorce is making me question what I have always considered to be the "good" parts of me -- one of my dearest friend's husband said the other day -- and I quote this "that I was too good for my own good." I guess it is a compliment, but I don't think I'm too good for anything -- as a matter of fact, the over-riding quality I feel right now is just as one huge gigantic failure. It is reinforced by all that has happened and I find it hard to come to terms with it all and find some kind of stability within myself. If someone replies to this and says to read a "co-dependent" book, I'm going to scream since I recognize full well the effect my ex-husband has had on me. The recognition and awareness isn't helping, though. I can't sustain any ambition, hope, attempt for any length of time. I am sure menopause and its attendant claims to your cognitive and physical prowess isn't helping this situation, but I can't seem to shake off the cloak of bleakness. Hoping this is really just a temporary thing and on Monday I will be writing apologizing for the self-pitying portrayal. Just wish I could close this chapter of my life and move on to a different one.
Anyway, thanks for listening. Take care (and I am very glad that you seem to definitely "recovering" and healing). Bacall
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