CiCi
addict
Reged: 03/28/07
Posts: 493
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Re: the guilty party
05/14/07 02:51 PM
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I don't think anyone on this board can tell you what is the "right" thing for you to do about staying or leaving your marriage. You certainly sound like you've looked inward and are aware of your "deamons" and are confronting them....at least to yourself.
I think that now that you've told your husband you want out (even if you did not disclose your sexual affair), you may not be able to get back in just because you want to.
Your situation is interesting, because I know that many years ago, I made a conscious decision to stay with my husband (instead of me initiating divorce) so that our daughter could benefit from a 2 parent family. We were complacent with one antoher - no hatred, abuse, infidelity, etc. - but not a lot of love left either. Finally, he initiated divorce and I can tell you that even though we hadn't had a great relationship, it's been very hard on us. Divorce is, in my opinion, not to be taken lightly. In my case, I have NO regrets. My daughter did benefit (mostly) from having both of us in her life on a daily basis. I found many things outside of the home that made me happy - book club, bike riding, dinners with good friends, etc. Again, for me, no regrets....but you have to do what feels best for you and your kids. Nobody has a crystal ball to see into the future, so you'll never have the benefit of knowing if you've made the "right" decision as it relates to the future. Once you make your decision, however, you're going to have to make the best of it and do your best to manage it to make it healthiest for you and your children.
I'm sure that the affair feels good because it's just that - the cream of the crop. You don't have to deal with this man day in and day out - when the dulldrums set in. I can't say for sure, but I don't think the grass will be greener with a man you've slept with a few times.
Good luck....you've got a lot of thinking to do.
Best,
CiCi
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Remember: A clean house is the sign of a wasted life.
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