spikeman
recently joined
Reged: 07/09/07
Posts: 4
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Re: A simple question...
07/15/07 10:03 AM
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Thank you for the replies. You have all hit the nail on the head... could not have answered the question better.
In the last 3-4 weeks I am facing the reality that I am suffering from depression. I am currently taking medication and have started counseling, so I am doing all the right things. Whether or not my recent built-up marriage issues have contributed to it are debatable, I would tend to say they indeed have pushed me over the edge.
I DO believe that I am dying inside, as Goodmom said. My sister-in-law, who has therapy training, told me one time," on one hand, I do believe in 'till death do us part', but if you are so unhappy in an unfixable marriage, then the marriage IS dead."
The one thing I am fearing the most through all of this is that I lose the identity of who I am. I am afraid this has started to happen, although the depression is probably playing a role.
The trial separation makes sense, but I see it as the official start of a divorce, rather than a break that could end in reconciliation. As I mentioned, I separated from her twice before, only to get back into the old ways. If I were to do it again, at first it would not phase her because she would think I was just 'nutting out' (even easier now to justify falsely because I'm on medication). It wouldn't be until an officer of the peace interrupted her work day to hand her the papers, that she would say, "oh s--t, he ain't kidding this time". Then, SEVERE denial would kick in.
As matart1 suggested, I have to ask myself - first, have I done everything that I can do to save it; second, will it ever be what I truly want it to be; and third, will I be happier on my own?
Your thoughts...
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