Karen1
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 1794
Loc: Ohio
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Re: is this settlement fair to both of us?
07/15/07 12:50 PM
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Divorce settlement is often a different game after 30 years married and fast approaching the age of retirement vs someone younger with minor children.
A plus to us is that we do not have to deal with custody, visitation and different parenting styles. The down, least for me, is that I think I would be less lonely if I still had kids at home. Raising kids can keep one more connected to the outside world.
My EX also just said to hell with it all. Before telling me he had moved out, he had moved out his computer, guns and I assume a suitcase with some clothes and toiletries. Might sound strange that he could do that and I not realize it. I seldom went into his computer room (gun cabinet there also) and we worked opposite shifts. I worked the standard day shift and he worked a 12 shift that went from evening until morning. So he had a lot of time during the day while I was at work to move stuff. The day he left.. I was home for lunch from 12 - 1.. that left him with 4 hours before I came home from work to move out what apparently was most precious to him.
In the end he was forced into dealing with it. Some people use the statistics that show most divorces are filed for by women as proof that more women want the divorce. I feel that is skewed thinking... a lot of women that do not want the divorce end up being the one to file to protect themselves legally. A lot of men do what ours did... move on and out and are quite content to do nothing legally. I think they do bury their heads in the sand because deep down they know the financial ramifications and do not want to face or deal with that. I filed for a divorce that I did not want. I am ashamed to say that I spent 20 months trying to come to a settlement agreement with such a moron. Funny how getting served and having court hearings makes an ostrick pull their head out of their ass/sand.
You can ask for anything and I would suggest asking that all legal fees you pay be remimbursed to you. You make a list and negotiate down from there so it is wise to have things on the list that you don't mind giving up. Since neither of you are living in your house, and do not want to be... again, I would say ask for anything. One thing I would try to get taken care of now would be the contents of the house. It amazes me how childish some divorces can become over possessions. Some like to destroy those possessions the other holds most dear! Were I you and not living there, I would want to get the things I hold most dear out of the house. You may not end up with them, but they can be held safe in the interim.
Thanks for you comment re my being strong. I am for the most part. ANd part of me hates that. I have to be strong because I have no one but myself. That has turned me into more of a "me" person than I ever wanted, or thought I would be.
I have read that it takes one year for each 5 - 7 years of marriage to get the point of recovery from divorce. Just another useless statistic I guess. It has been 5 since since EX left.. 30 years married and 34 together. Using the 7 year mark... I should feel recovered. Resigned and realistic is more like it. I count the plusses of having what EX became out of my life. I also each day mourn the loss of the person he once was. Don't want to be alone forever... yet don't really want anyone at this time. I will be 60 in a few years. Although my mind is much younger... my body is showing and feeling the wear and tear of those years. I think I am starting to see why the Red Hat Society is so popular with old/er broads!
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"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".
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