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Reged: 07/29/05
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Is she screwed up or am I?
      08/11/05 11:08 AM

I am in a situation that is not unique, but i need some other people's input to try and fully understand what is going on. I am living with my "fiance". She was married for six years and recently (february) got divorced due to emotional and physical abuse. Basically her ex took all of her self esteem, threw things at her, smashed her car up with her and the kids in it, took out her front teeth and continually harrassed her and I to the effect of death threats. Her two kids and she have been living with me since last October. During that time we have had some great, great times; fun, loving and just simply wonderful! However, in the past two months she has become completely the opposite person from the one I met before. she shows no signs of affection for me (although she still claims she loves me), she will not go out with me in public, she accuses me of being suffocating, she goes out with her ex any chance she gets. It should be noted that she claims the reason she lost her teeth was becasue she was being paid back for the way she treated him by moving out to live with me and taking his kids. She seems to still want to "fix" his ways, even though they are now divorced. I recently fixed up her house so that she could sell it. Once I had done this she decided not to sell it and let the ex move back in. She talks to him more than she talks to me. Even though there are numerous TPO's on her and me regarding him she still spends a lot of time with him. She is now travelling on business and she called me last night to say goodnight to the kids. Afterward I said i would call her back in a few minutes once I got the kids to bed. I called back and there was no answer so I left a message. she called back about 45 minutes later saying that a group of guys at the bar had brought her a drink and she was chatting with them and did not want to answer the phone. she said she was going back to the bar to meet tham again tonight. She says she told them about me. So? Why tell me any of this? She won;t go out with me where we live, but has no problem meeting other people at bars when she is out of town!

We had made all kinds of plans but now she will not live up to any of them. All she wants to do is stay in the house when she is at home and we all know what she wants to do when she is out of town.

At this point I have got so much invested in her and the kids, not only financially but emotionally too, that I cannot get out. Or, more to the point, I do not want to get out. I am still living with the hope that she will see the errors she is making and resort to the person I met before.

My question I being taken for a ride or is this normal behavior for a person that was emotionally and physically abused. Further, if I invest in this relationship and weather the storm, do we have any hope or should i simply sever all ties with her and move on? I love this women with all my heart and truly believe that she was the one i was meant to be with, but I cannot take the lack of emotion coming in my direction. Do people that have been abused in this manner change for the good, or will this be her pattern for the rest of her life within any rlationship?

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Subject Posted by Posted on
* Is she screwed up or am I? AinOH 08/11/05 11:08 AM
. * * Re: Is she screwed up or am I? lostfather   10/20/05 06:18 AM
. * * Re: Is she screwed up or am I? Renee   08/12/05 08:52 PM
. * * Re: Is she screwed up or am I? - Update AinOH   08/22/05 02:22 PM
. * * Re: Is she screwed up or am I? - Update Renee   08/23/05 11:08 PM
. * * Re: Is she screwed up or am I? - Update O2inhead   10/12/05 12:29 PM
. * * Re: Is she screwed up or am I? almostheaven   08/11/05 06:33 PM
. * * Re: Is she screwed up or am I? AinOH   08/11/05 09:02 PM
. * * "maybe i am the one that needs therapy" almostheaven   08/11/05 10:22 PM
. * * You're both screwed up. Lucy44   08/11/05 12:05 PM

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