First, if you click on yregna name, scroll down to the lower right corner, choose "ignore this user".. You won't have to read his bile...
Second, NYS is the last state in the Nation where grounds have to be proven.. in order to petition for divorce.
If you fight and have a grounds trial, you will probably win.
I contested grounds, the good news is that my ex had to withdraw for lack of evidence.. The bad news was that is took 2yrs to get to the point where we argued grounds. During which time my ex was malicious, vindictive, destructive, abusive, malevolent, cruel, nasty, wicked, spiteful, mean (ya get my drift)..
He filed 22 child abuse charges, required me to go through 2 psych evaluations, he wore me down emotionally, mentally, and physically..
And after enduring ALL that I ended up STILL married.. Needless to say, it was definitely a case of "Be careful of what you ask for" you might get it...
Obviously like you, I didn't know my spouse was capable of such horrendous behavior. I thought this "I want a divorce" was just a phase and he would get over it. Because like you I couldn't see the reason for it.
So while I agree w/ your attorney. The ball is in her court. It will be expensive for her to go forward if you won’t agree on grounds. You are in a good negotiating position..
The BAD news in NYS that is NO joint or 50/50 custody if the parties won’t voluntarily agree. If she is smart, she will agree to 50/50 and you will agree to grounds and this could go relatively painlessly..
Or you can end up going my route over 3yrs and hundreds of thousands of dollars where no one wins…
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. --Plato