Karen1
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 1794
Loc: Ohio
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Re: Young and Divorced
07/28/07 11:08 AM
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CiCi.. I agree with you. Divorce is hard no matter what. Well maybe it is easier on the person who wants it.
For long term marriages with adult kids, vs shorter term with kids, vs short term no kids... it is just different problems to deal with.
Mine was 30 year marriage and a divorce I did not want. My first divorce,when I was 21 .... short term marriage, no kids, no assets that amounted to anything... was relatively easy on both of us as no one had a broken heart. It was a marriage that should never have taken place.
I feel blessed that my son was 23 when the divorce occured.. no child custody, different parenting styles, support, child not wanting to go with one parent or the other etc. to deal with. That truly is a problem that I did not have to endure and I am thankful for that.
Down side... I had dealt well with the "empty nest" and thought EX and I were getting back to our early relationship in many ways. After a year of so of that, it just went downhill. When EX moved out, the house felt empty, dead of all life to me. Hard to describe, but I felt it every time unlocked the door to enter. So having a child in the house would of course had its positives!!! A child does bring joy to a home, makes one feel needed (too much so at times!), gives one a reason to go on etc. I feel that I became self absorbed and did not like that. The sense that no one was going to help me look out for me now feeling. A child in the house would naturally give a person a reason to maintain as normal a lifestyle as possible. Still having someone need me every day.. I really think that would have made the rejection from EX a bit easier to take.
And finally, we often only see our adult kids on their time schedule... and many of them are quite busy with life and work and so we don't see them as often as we would like. And that can be a real negative... what I wanted to do was pull what I had left of my little family in closer and see each other a couple of times a week.
In dealing with the divorce, adult kids go through a different set of problems than younger kids do.
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"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".
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