[quote]I hope the cliche nice guys finish last doesn't hold true for me. It's too bad there are so many irresponsible men out there that rain on our parade. I hope what I'm saying makes sense. I have a hard time sometimes putting my thought down on type. [/quote]
I had to respond to your post. First, a funny/weird note. Until I saw a posting with your geographic location, I thought you were MY stbx, lol. Same name (if your name here is your name.. and either version would work as stbx goes by both). Then I thought maybe you were his friend lurking (he ALSO has the same name, both versions).
Anyhoo, on the "nice guys finish last" theme. I would say stbx feels like he fits into that category. No matter who he tries to please, he ends up hurting someone in the process.. that someone is typically me, since I came along 2nd, I guess.
For me, when I married stbx, I married him BECAUSE he was a nice guy. He was totally different than anyone I'd dated or previously married. The consummate family man, if he said he'd call at 5pm, he called at 5pm, not 4:59 or 5:01, 5pm on the dot. He never went drinking with the boys, or went to the track or OTB. He didn't ogle girls out at the mall or whatever. He lived to be at home, with his family.
Unfortunately, what I learned in that, was that if you marry a "nice guy", make sure you're the FIRST person he marries since his obligation of being "nice" will always lie with that person, even if they no longer love them, as long as the have the bond of a child there.
I suppose it makes a difference WHO they were married to first (in my case, she makes Attila the Hun look like Miss Manners), but I no longer believe there are "nice guys".
To refer back to something 1004 said... I was married previously and in long term relationships and I held no ill will or emotional "baggage" towards men in general or to relationships at large.
I think; however, this one left a scar where the others didn't. I could look at any previous failures and take something positive from them. In this one, I just sooo seriously misjudged someone else, and had my faith in myself (through the eyes of my stbx) totally and completely obliterated in terms of relationships, that I can't ever see myself as being a viable relationship candidate to anyone ever again.
Stbx once told me after we split if he couldn't make it work with me he couldn't make it work with anyone. I feel the same way. If I couldn't make it work with the person who was supposed to be my soulmate, the person I truly, with every marrow of my being believed I would be with for life, then I can't see it working with anyone else either. I believe so strongly in that, that even with our divorce papers FILED and pending completion any day now, I'm still trying to work to FIX what went wrong and realizing that no matter what? I'll always be 2nd... if I even rank at all. The question now is whether I want to live like that the rest of my life, rather than just be alone, while still having to be tied to that person for life ANYWAY due to our child. (and we have another at least 16 years to go).