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Tim_M
journeyman


Reged: 07/15/07
Posts: 87
Loc: Missouri
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse
      08/10/07 07:59 PM

Yes, I agree with you. It actually would have been better if my family had been killed, instead of losing all of them in this manner. I would have mourned, but I would have gone on thinking that we all loved each other. Now, I will probably never see any of them again, and they won't even explain their reasons -- they just leave in the in the dark.

I am experiencing anger, bitterness, shock, puzzlement, love, despair, and hopelessness, all at the same time. I never realized the power of emotion until this moment, at least not on this scale. I've been through a lot of emotional and physical pain in my life, but what I feel now is off the charts. As I've mentioned previously, I write my own music for the electric guitar, music which emanates from my emotions, and I've never written so much music so furiously before. It's only for me -- it would probably be to melancholic for others to enjoy. I've written a few poems as well (I've published 3 in the past), and I end up throwing it away after I've written them.

God gave us emotions as part of His image, but I'd rather feel numb right now. That's why I think I am again at risk for alcohol or drug addiction; it numbed me for 17 years when I couldn't deal with my sister's accusations that my father molested her. The knowledge that she had falsely accused him released me from those addictions, but the trial I face now is infinitely more unbearable. My drugs of choice were LSD, PCP, heroin, and alcohol (sometimes all at once,) because they all made me forget (or supress) the emotions I couldn't cope with.

If I had the money right now (which I don't) I know I'd be tempted.

I never was able to accept death very well. I never learned to go through the grieving process, and using all of those drugs to escape actually froze that process, according to the opinions of therapists I've dealt with.

Losing my girlfriend, grandfather, father, and best friend to death in a six week period has so traumatized me that I cannot bring myself to attend a funeral, or even a nursing home. The last time I was supposed to go to a funeral, I dreaded it. Fortunately, I broke my foot in 3 places and was unable to attend.

I'm not afraid of death myself, just facing the deaths of others. I welcome death.

I don't think I will have the same reaction as you if my wife persists in this divorce. I don't think I'll even survive it, let alone recover.

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Entire topic
Subject Posted by Posted on
* Reversed role emotional abuse Tim_M 07/18/07 08:37 AM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse almostheaven   07/18/07 07:26 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse googledad   07/18/07 11:04 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse almostheaven   07/19/07 09:09 AM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Relayer   07/19/07 05:15 AM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Tim_M   07/19/07 07:56 AM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Relayer   07/19/07 02:14 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Tim_M   07/19/07 03:30 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse almostheaven   07/19/07 05:42 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Tim_M   07/19/07 05:48 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Relayer   07/19/07 05:46 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Tim_M   08/02/07 01:35 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse emilar   08/02/07 06:32 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Tim_M   08/02/07 07:09 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse April9418   08/06/07 06:20 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Tim_M   08/06/07 06:40 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Tim_M   08/09/07 11:21 AM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Relayer   08/09/07 06:10 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Tim_M   08/10/07 09:01 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse emilar   08/11/07 09:50 AM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Relayer   08/11/07 04:27 AM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Tim_M   08/11/07 07:28 AM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Relayer   08/11/07 08:48 AM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Tim_M   08/11/07 10:53 AM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Relayer   08/11/07 03:59 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse emilar   08/11/07 07:09 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Relayer   08/11/07 07:32 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Tim_M   08/12/07 10:22 AM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse emilar   08/12/07 12:00 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Tim_M   08/12/07 12:48 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Relayer   08/12/07 03:14 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Tim_M   08/12/07 08:22 PM
. * * I have an unrelated question... almostheaven   08/12/07 09:06 PM
. * * Re: I have an unrelated question... Tim_M   08/12/07 09:19 PM
. * * Re: I have an unrelated question... almostheaven   08/12/07 10:47 PM
. * * BTW... almostheaven   08/12/07 10:51 PM
. * * Re: BTW... Relayer   08/13/07 04:15 AM
. * * Re: BTW... emilar   08/13/07 06:32 AM
. * * Re: BTW... Tim_M   08/13/07 06:46 AM
. * * Re: BTW... Relayer   08/13/07 08:01 AM
. * * Re: BTW... Tim_M   08/13/07 10:37 AM
. * * Re: BTW... emilar   08/16/07 11:04 AM
. * * Re: BTW... Tim_M   08/16/07 12:28 PM
. * * Re: BTW... emilar   08/17/07 08:08 AM
. * * Re: BTW... Tim_M   08/17/07 08:38 AM
. * * Re: BTW... Tim_M   08/17/07 12:24 PM
. * * Re: BTW... Tim_M   08/18/07 08:01 AM
. * * Re: BTW... Relayer   08/18/07 10:09 AM
. * * Re: BTW... Tim_M   08/18/07 10:15 AM
. * * Re: BTW... almostheaven   08/18/07 10:15 AM
. * * Re: BTW... Relayer   08/18/07 10:53 AM
. * * Re: BTW... emilar   08/18/07 11:11 AM
. * * Re: BTW... Tim_M   08/18/07 11:29 AM
. * * Re: BTW... Relayer   08/18/07 11:48 AM
. * * Re: BTW... Tim_M   08/18/07 02:07 PM
. * * Re: BTW... Relayer   08/18/07 02:46 PM
. * * Re: BTW... emilar   08/19/07 11:23 AM
. * * Re: BTW... emilar   08/29/07 07:42 PM
. * * Re: BTW... Tim_M   08/30/07 07:23 AM
. * * Re: BTW... emilar   09/29/07 08:47 PM
. * * Re: BTW... Tim_M   09/30/07 07:40 AM
. * * Re: BTW... emilar   09/30/07 09:30 AM
. * * Re: BTW... Tim_M   09/30/07 09:57 AM
. * * Re: BTW... emilar   11/13/07 05:49 PM
. * * Re: BTW... emilar   08/18/07 11:41 AM
. * * Re: BTW... Relayer   08/18/07 11:15 AM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Tim_M   08/09/07 06:39 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse almostheaven   08/09/07 05:22 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Tim_M   08/09/07 06:14 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse almostheaven   08/09/07 06:25 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Tim_M   08/09/07 06:40 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Tim_M   08/09/07 01:02 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse emilar   08/09/07 04:20 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Tim_M   08/09/07 06:47 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse emilar   08/10/07 08:58 AM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Tim_M   08/10/07 01:44 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse emilar   08/10/07 03:50 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Tim_M   08/10/07 07:59 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Relayer   08/09/07 05:15 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse almostheaven   08/09/07 05:23 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Tim_M   07/20/07 07:52 AM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse almostheaven   07/20/07 06:16 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Tim_M   07/20/07 08:42 PM
. * * CANCEL THEM!!!!!! almostheaven   07/20/07 08:45 PM
. * * Not to mention... almostheaven   07/20/07 08:46 PM
. * * Re: Not to mention... Tim_M   07/20/07 08:49 PM
. * * Re: Not to mention... almostheaven   07/20/07 08:54 PM
. * * Re: Not to mention... Tim_M   07/20/07 09:00 PM
. * * Re: Not to mention... Tim_M   07/20/07 09:04 PM
. * * Re: Not to mention... Relayer   07/21/07 04:04 AM
. * * Re: Not to mention... Tim_M   07/21/07 11:55 AM
. * * Exactly... almostheaven   07/21/07 08:26 PM
. * * Re: Exactly... Relayer   07/22/07 05:34 AM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Relayer   07/20/07 08:01 AM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Tim_M   07/20/07 09:20 AM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Relayer   07/20/07 10:25 AM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse almostheaven   07/19/07 05:48 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Relayer   07/18/07 10:13 AM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Tim_M   07/18/07 12:55 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Relayer   07/18/07 01:50 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Tim_M   07/18/07 02:13 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Relayer   08/12/07 09:36 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse jaiye   07/23/07 08:50 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Tim_M   07/23/07 09:04 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse emilar   07/29/07 06:00 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Tim_M   07/29/07 07:16 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse emilar   07/29/07 08:15 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Tim_M   07/29/07 08:43 PM
. * * As an aside... almostheaven   07/29/07 09:21 PM
. * * Re: As an aside... Relayer   07/30/07 06:07 AM
. * * Re: As an aside... almostheaven   07/30/07 11:18 AM
. * * Re: As an aside... Tim_M   07/30/07 06:10 AM
. * * Re: As an aside... Relayer   07/30/07 06:30 AM
. * * Re: As an aside... Tim_M   07/30/07 06:36 AM
. * * Re: As an aside... Relayer   07/30/07 08:02 AM
. * * Re: As an aside... Tim_M   07/30/07 08:54 AM
. * * Actually, you do have an out... almostheaven   07/30/07 11:20 AM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... Tim_M   07/30/07 11:29 AM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... Relayer   07/30/07 12:50 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... Tim_M   07/30/07 01:07 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... Relayer   07/30/07 01:39 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... Tim_M   07/30/07 02:31 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... Tim_M   07/30/07 04:05 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... almostheaven   07/30/07 10:02 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... Relayer   07/30/07 06:55 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... Tim_M   07/30/07 07:29 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... almostheaven   07/30/07 10:07 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... Tim_M   07/31/07 05:31 AM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... emilar   07/31/07 09:44 AM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... Tim_M   07/31/07 10:13 AM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... emilar   07/31/07 10:20 AM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... Tim_M   07/31/07 11:09 AM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... almostheaven   07/31/07 10:20 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... Tim_M   08/01/07 07:33 AM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... Relayer   07/31/07 12:04 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... Tim_M   07/31/07 12:17 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... Relayer   07/31/07 12:21 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... almostheaven   07/31/07 10:21 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... Tim_M   07/31/07 12:24 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... almostheaven   07/31/07 10:22 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... Relayer   07/31/07 12:36 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... Relayer   07/31/07 12:36 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... Tim_M   07/31/07 12:47 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... emilar   07/31/07 01:22 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... Tim_M   07/31/07 01:46 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... emilar   07/31/07 02:42 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... Tim_M   07/31/07 03:33 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... emilar   07/31/07 07:28 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... Tim_M   07/31/07 07:37 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... Tim_M   07/31/07 07:39 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... almostheaven   07/31/07 10:25 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... emilar   07/31/07 09:23 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... Tim_M   08/01/07 07:49 AM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... emilar   08/01/07 06:12 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... Tim_M   08/01/07 06:32 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... emilar   08/01/07 06:49 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... Tim_M   08/01/07 07:07 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... emilar   08/01/07 07:16 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... emilar   08/01/07 07:32 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... Relayer   07/31/07 01:11 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... Tim_M   07/31/07 01:14 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... emilar   07/30/07 07:23 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... Tim_M   07/30/07 07:33 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... emilar   07/30/07 07:55 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... Tim_M   07/30/07 08:23 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... emilar   07/30/07 09:00 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... Tim_M   07/30/07 09:18 PM
. * * Re: Actually, you do have an out... emilar   07/30/07 10:07 PM
. * * Re: As an aside... Relayer   07/30/07 08:56 AM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse emilar   07/29/07 09:07 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Relayer   07/18/07 02:43 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Tim_M   07/18/07 02:55 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Relayer   07/18/07 04:20 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Tim_M   07/18/07 06:17 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Relayer   07/18/07 06:43 PM
. * * Re: Reversed role emotional abuse Tim_M   07/18/07 07:14 PM

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