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Divorce Source Community Forums >> Domestic Violence/Abuse

Tim_M
journeyman

Reged: 07/15/07
Posts: 87
Loc: Missouri

Re: Reversed role emotional abuse

08/12/07 12:48 PM

Well, I appreciate your advice. I would point out, however, that every one of those statutes instructs the court to order my wife to pay my legal and court costs associated with filing the relevant motions, so it will not cost me anything. And, I plan to use them only as a last result. My attorney urged me last week to give her a week or two to see how she reacts, and then he advises that we file the motions, if she fails to cooperate -- especially concerning visitation with my daughter. It is my attorney who is advising me that she has broken (now) 7 state laws, and 2 federal laws; some of them permit only civil remedies (like an order for my daughter's immediate return to Missouri and contempt of court citations,) but two state laws make what she did a class D felony, one federal law provides for up to 5 years in prison, and the second for up to 7 years in prison. So she has exposed herself to state misdimeanor and felony charges, and two federal felony charges. Again, I only plan to use them as a last resort.

Most of the above stems from my legitimate concern for the welfare of my daughter, who has threatened her mother with running away. I am seriously worried about what is going on her environment, and have to do what I can to address those concerns. I remain upset with my wife's decision to divorce, but not to the extent that I am worried over my daughter's welfare. She never would have talked about skipping school or running away from home a year ago, so something very serious is happening with her.

The nearest church that can help me spiritually (but not in other ways) is 45 miles away (a $10 gas bill roundtrip,) and the nearest Salvation Army is nearly 75 miles away. If my wife reneges on her agreement, she will also cancel my auto insurance, which she is paying monthly (despite the fact that it only costs her $121 for a six month period.) I asked her to pay the full amount, so I will have transportation for at least 6 months, but she has completely ignored my request. I only have enough money for two trips per month into town, when I try to combine shopping, medical/drugs, the post office, and visits with my lawyer all on the same day. Since my lawyer and the doctors/pharmacists are not open on Sunday, that means I cannot even attend church; I simply do not have enough gas money.

You really have to see this area for yourself to appreciate how sparsely populated it is. My nearest neighbor (who has helped with bringing me vegetables to eat) is literally 8 miles away. 9 out of 10 of the nearest homes that were occupied in the year 2000, when we moved here, are now empty. Everybody who can is fleeing the 17 hog confinement facilities that are planned for this county, nearly all employers that were here when we bought this farm have gone out of business (over half of the jobs in the county disappeared just in the last 3 years,) and there are only a handful of small farmers left. The majority of the land here is literally owned by doctors and lawyers from Omaha (90 miles away,) and they just rent out the land at the highest price they can get to mostly BIG farmers from Kansas or Nebraska.

I asked my lawyer about the situation involving my prescriptions, but have not heard from him yet. The only drug I could probably eliminate (which would be against my doctor's advice) is Risperdal; it doesn't seem to be helping me anyway. I am stuck with the narcotics -- my pain has been classified as "severe" since 2003, and the two narcotics I currently take only relieve about half of my pain. There is simply no way I can bear any more increase in pain by cutting back. My doctor wants to prescribe a morphine pump for my back (which costs $600 each month.) I haven't yet decided on that, preferring to wait for my attorney's opinion on how all of this affects my case. In the past, his professional opinion is that all of this would actually strengthen my case for substantial maintenance.

I haven't had any suicidal thoughts for several days, which I see as hopeful. I think my mind is too busy worrying about the physical needs I have, and how to provide for them. In any case, I want to see the final outcome of my case. It just hopefully will be positive.

I only reveal my feelings in this forum (and previously to my wife.) I have an iron face mask developed as a defense mechanism to the abuse I suffered as a child. Even my wife could not determine my emotions unless I told them to her; that was, in retrospect, a contributing factor to our problems. You are right about society not accepting strong emotions from a man, which I see as unfortunate. Some of us men have very strong emotions, which we are taught as children early on not to reveal. I remember hugging my dad at age 6, when he had just returned from his fourth tour of duty in Vietnam, and he pushed me away and told me to never do that again. He said that men only shake hands. But at age 6? I'm sure that has also contributed to the many ills that we endure as a society and community. But it is a fact of life...

Post Extras

Entire topic
Subject	Posted by	Posted on
Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	07/18/07 08:37 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	almostheaven	07/18/07 07:26 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	googledad	07/18/07 11:04 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	almostheaven	07/19/07 09:09 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	07/19/07 05:15 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	07/19/07 07:56 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	07/19/07 02:14 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	07/19/07 03:30 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	almostheaven	07/19/07 05:42 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	07/19/07 05:48 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	07/19/07 05:46 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/02/07 01:35 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	emilar	08/02/07 06:32 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/02/07 07:09 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	April9418	08/06/07 06:20 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/06/07 06:40 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/09/07 11:21 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	08/09/07 06:10 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/10/07 09:01 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	emilar	08/11/07 09:50 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	08/11/07 04:27 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/11/07 07:28 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	08/11/07 08:48 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/11/07 10:53 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	08/11/07 03:59 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	emilar	08/11/07 07:09 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	08/11/07 07:32 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/12/07 10:22 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	emilar	08/12/07 12:00 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/12/07 12:48 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	08/12/07 03:14 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/12/07 08:22 PM
I have an unrelated question...	almostheaven	08/12/07 09:06 PM
Re: I have an unrelated question...	Tim_M	08/12/07 09:19 PM
Re: I have an unrelated question...	almostheaven	08/12/07 10:47 PM
BTW...	almostheaven	08/12/07 10:51 PM
Re: BTW...	Relayer	08/13/07 04:15 AM
Re: BTW...	emilar	08/13/07 06:32 AM
Re: BTW...	Tim_M	08/13/07 06:46 AM
Re: BTW...	Relayer	08/13/07 08:01 AM
Re: BTW...	Tim_M	08/13/07 10:37 AM
Re: BTW...	emilar	08/16/07 11:04 AM
Re: BTW...	Tim_M	08/16/07 12:28 PM
Re: BTW...	emilar	08/17/07 08:08 AM
Re: BTW...	Tim_M	08/17/07 08:38 AM
Re: BTW...	Tim_M	08/17/07 12:24 PM
Re: BTW...	Tim_M	08/18/07 08:01 AM
Re: BTW...	Relayer	08/18/07 10:09 AM
Re: BTW...	Tim_M	08/18/07 10:15 AM
Re: BTW...	almostheaven	08/18/07 10:15 AM
Re: BTW...	Relayer	08/18/07 10:53 AM
Re: BTW...	emilar	08/18/07 11:11 AM
Re: BTW...	Tim_M	08/18/07 11:29 AM
Re: BTW...	Relayer	08/18/07 11:48 AM
Re: BTW...	Tim_M	08/18/07 02:07 PM
Re: BTW...	Relayer	08/18/07 02:46 PM
Re: BTW...	emilar	08/19/07 11:23 AM
Re: BTW...	emilar	08/29/07 07:42 PM
Re: BTW...	Tim_M	08/30/07 07:23 AM
Re: BTW...	emilar	09/29/07 08:47 PM
Re: BTW...	Tim_M	09/30/07 07:40 AM
Re: BTW...	emilar	09/30/07 09:30 AM
Re: BTW...	Tim_M	09/30/07 09:57 AM
Re: BTW...	emilar	11/13/07 05:49 PM
Re: BTW...	emilar	08/18/07 11:41 AM
Re: BTW...	Relayer	08/18/07 11:15 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/09/07 06:39 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	almostheaven	08/09/07 05:22 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/09/07 06:14 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	almostheaven	08/09/07 06:25 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/09/07 06:40 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/09/07 01:02 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	emilar	08/09/07 04:20 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/09/07 06:47 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	emilar	08/10/07 08:58 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/10/07 01:44 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	emilar	08/10/07 03:50 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/10/07 07:59 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	08/09/07 05:15 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	almostheaven	08/09/07 05:23 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	07/20/07 07:52 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	almostheaven	07/20/07 06:16 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	07/20/07 08:42 PM
CANCEL THEM!!!!!!	almostheaven	07/20/07 08:45 PM
Not to mention...	almostheaven	07/20/07 08:46 PM
Re: Not to mention...	Tim_M	07/20/07 08:49 PM
Re: Not to mention...	almostheaven	07/20/07 08:54 PM
Re: Not to mention...	Tim_M	07/20/07 09:00 PM
Re: Not to mention...	Tim_M	07/20/07 09:04 PM
Re: Not to mention...	Relayer	07/21/07 04:04 AM
Re: Not to mention...	Tim_M	07/21/07 11:55 AM
Exactly...	almostheaven	07/21/07 08:26 PM
Re: Exactly...	Relayer	07/22/07 05:34 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	07/20/07 08:01 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	07/20/07 09:20 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	07/20/07 10:25 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	almostheaven	07/19/07 05:48 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	07/18/07 10:13 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	07/18/07 12:55 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	07/18/07 01:50 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	07/18/07 02:13 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	08/12/07 09:36 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	jaiye	07/23/07 08:50 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	07/23/07 09:04 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	emilar	07/29/07 06:00 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	07/29/07 07:16 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	emilar	07/29/07 08:15 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	07/29/07 08:43 PM
As an aside...	almostheaven	07/29/07 09:21 PM
Re: As an aside...	Relayer	07/30/07 06:07 AM
Re: As an aside...	almostheaven	07/30/07 11:18 AM
Re: As an aside...	Tim_M	07/30/07 06:10 AM
Re: As an aside...	Relayer	07/30/07 06:30 AM
Re: As an aside...	Tim_M	07/30/07 06:36 AM
Re: As an aside...	Relayer	07/30/07 08:02 AM
Re: As an aside...	Tim_M	07/30/07 08:54 AM
Actually, you do have an out...	almostheaven	07/30/07 11:20 AM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/30/07 11:29 AM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Relayer	07/30/07 12:50 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/30/07 01:07 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Relayer	07/30/07 01:39 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/30/07 02:31 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/30/07 04:05 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	almostheaven	07/30/07 10:02 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Relayer	07/30/07 06:55 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/30/07 07:29 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	almostheaven	07/30/07 10:07 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/31/07 05:31 AM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	emilar	07/31/07 09:44 AM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/31/07 10:13 AM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	emilar	07/31/07 10:20 AM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/31/07 11:09 AM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	almostheaven	07/31/07 10:20 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	08/01/07 07:33 AM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Relayer	07/31/07 12:04 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/31/07 12:17 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Relayer	07/31/07 12:21 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	almostheaven	07/31/07 10:21 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/31/07 12:24 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	almostheaven	07/31/07 10:22 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Relayer	07/31/07 12:36 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Relayer	07/31/07 12:36 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/31/07 12:47 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	emilar	07/31/07 01:22 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/31/07 01:46 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	emilar	07/31/07 02:42 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/31/07 03:33 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	emilar	07/31/07 07:28 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/31/07 07:37 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/31/07 07:39 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	almostheaven	07/31/07 10:25 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	emilar	07/31/07 09:23 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	08/01/07 07:49 AM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	emilar	08/01/07 06:12 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	08/01/07 06:32 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	emilar	08/01/07 06:49 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	08/01/07 07:07 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	emilar	08/01/07 07:16 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	emilar	08/01/07 07:32 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Relayer	07/31/07 01:11 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/31/07 01:14 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	emilar	07/30/07 07:23 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/30/07 07:33 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	emilar	07/30/07 07:55 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/30/07 08:23 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	emilar	07/30/07 09:00 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/30/07 09:18 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	emilar	07/30/07 10:07 PM
Re: As an aside...	Relayer	07/30/07 08:56 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	emilar	07/29/07 09:07 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	07/18/07 02:43 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	07/18/07 02:55 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	07/18/07 04:20 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	07/18/07 06:17 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	07/18/07 06:43 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	07/18/07 07:14 PM

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