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Divorce Source Community Forums >> Domestic Violence/Abuse

Tim_M
journeyman

Reged: 07/15/07
Posts: 87
Loc: Missouri

Re: BTW...

08/16/07 12:28 PM

I've been in severe pain for the last week or more. I don't remember if I described this incident that happened then, but it was similar to stroke, but not a stroke. I started passing out, coming to, and passing out. I managed to call my neighbor (8miles away,) who came over and discovered me on the floor. I must have passed out a third time, hitting my head. I then had the most terrible seizure I've ever had. Since then, I have had severe back and neck pain. I'm taking an extra painkiller (used to treat bone cancer patients -- the most painful medical condition known) to dampen the pain, but have trouble sleeping. It's more like dozing for 15 minutes, and then trying to get back to sleep. The pain bleeds through the sleeping pill I take.

The only communication with my wife was her rejection of an offer by a cattleman to buy the 75 acres of pasture we have, leaving 15 acres (with the house, woods, and orchard.) I wanted this sale to see if I could hang on to the house as part of a settlement, so that I have a place to live. The nearest availkability of HUD housing is in March of next year -- too late to help me. My wife said she is only interested in selling the entire farm So we have a serious difference in opinions concerning the disposition of the farm. I told her I would not agree to the sale of the entire farm at this point, and that she would just have to wait.

My attorney is filing motions on Monday for the court-ordered investigation of my child's welfare, to enforce visitation with her on neutral ground in a therapist's office, counseling for my daughter, temporary joint legal custody, temporary maintenance, and to force my wife to keep me informed concerning my daughter's schooling, activities, and medical treatment. Most of these my wife is supposed to do anyway, under Missouri law, but she is refusing to do so. He sees no porblems with these motions, and it is part of our strategy to let the Court discover for itself (from the investigating agency) the probable emotional abuse my daughter is going through, my wife's obstructionism of things she is required to do, "parental alienation," that my wife has removed my daughter from Missouri without a court order, etc. He and I are in full agreement that the agency will discover this for itself, because he has used them in the past, and the agency staff is educated with theses issues and trained to identify them.

He also said that my wife would look foolish bringing up drug treatment from 17 years ago, and reiterated a recent appellate decision that essentially said that another man's drug use 1 year and 5 months prior to his divorce hearing was not recent enough, and irrelevant. My attorney also said that he has never had a problem in the past with his client's legitimate use of any prescription drugs, and that he is very confident, with the contents of my medical records, that my case for maintenance is so strong that I should not even worry about it. In addition to my multiple disabilities, the medications that I take thenselves present an obstacle to employment; I'm not even supposed to drive on them, vut living here in the middle of nowheres, that isn't realistic. I'm as cautious as possible. We are shooting for 25% of her income, for life. He said that he has done this before, and his own wife received the same thing before marrying him (when that maintenance terminated.)

We are more worried about how I will receive the expensive medical care and drugs I need after a divorce, to treat a total of 13 medical conditions, 9 of which are disabling and 5 of which are life-threatening. It is the single biggest problem I face.

My wife's attorney has no access to my mental health records, and I am not required to provide them. And he told me that my voluntary commitment for the suicide attempts in June will actually work in my favor. He also told me that joint legal physical custody is favored in Missouri, and that my wife would have a huge hurdle to convince the judge to award sole custody to her, as she is demanding. He told me not to worry about that, either. We will not press the issue of her taking my daughter out of state w/o a court order, at this time. He prefers to let the judge address the issue himself, at the next hearing. We also don't want to jeapardize my wife's agreement to provide my living needs until a temporary maintenance order is in effect.

He seems to think that we are in a good legal position right now, and we will be entering the discovery process next week. Since the court-ordered investigation into my child's welfare takes 90 days, he is also filing for a continuance of our original hearing in October, in which I was contesting the ground for divorce (there is only one,) probably into January. That way, I can present myself to the court as the innocent party, loving my daughter and concerned for her, and willing to share parental responsibility with my wife. This will deeply contrast with her behavior, which is so obviously obstructive in nature, and iin her breaking of 8 different laws. Missouri law considers these matters when it comes to custody and visitation issues, including which parent is more likely to permit access of the other parent to the child. He said that she is going to look petty and foolish in the eyes of the judge, whose past opinions he has well-researched.

This will hopefully give my wife more time to recognize the destruction that this divorce will cause to relationships, finances, credit, and what little wealth we had. She seemed to think (judging from her attorney's actions) that she could force me to get a job (when the documentation overwhelmingly supports my inability to work,) sell the farm for a profit (it has negative equity,) get sole custody of my daughter, a basic severing of my parental rights (she wanted no visitation,) pay no alimony, get chilkd wuppost from me by forcing me to take a factory job nearby, and that none of this would affect her credit rating. She loves that credit rating, and at this point doesn't understand that the combination of mounting legal debt and my inevitable bankrupcty will kill her credit rating. We already received a denial of credit based on a deteriorating credit rating, and this might pressure her to reconsider a divorce.

I made a proposal as an alternative to divorce or legal separation, but she has not replied. I'm not hopeful that she will accept that proposal, but it might seem more attractive to her as time goes on, with all that is happening. The child welfare investigation alone will add $5,000 or more to her debts, as the motions seek to order her to pay them along with the counseling fees for my daughter. Both of these are authorized by both Missouri and case law, given our huge disparities in income. And the motions themselves means more expensive attorney time for her, and we are seeking her to pay my attorney fees as uthorized by the specific statutes and case law. Her debts could be huge. I don't think she considered any of this when she terminated my health insurance, for example. But that $30K in medical debt is joint marital debt at the very least, and ALL of her debt if we can convince the judge that she wrongfully terminated it, which she did. She is required to maintain my health/drug/dental insurance until a final divorce decree.

My attorney also has my entire medical documentation, from seven different doctors and specialists, where the documents REPEATEDLY state my disabilities and inability to work. I see my doctor tomorrow, not only for monitoring my serious medical problems, but to discuss the deposition that is scheduled for next week and to see what he can do to help me appeal my Medicaid denial.

I can only afford a single meal a day, and do not get enough money from her for my necesities; but my attorney told me yesterday that even though she filed for divorce, we are not legally separated. In Missouri, right up to the decree of divorce or legal separation, ALL income and debts are considered to be joint marital, so he is seeking a maintenance order to get a larger share of her income. He also told me that I am legally entitled to use our credit cards (which does have a few thousand dollars left that can be borrowed) to meet my living needs, and I am to keep all receipts to justify the purchases. So hopefully this weekend, I'll do some grocery shopping that can mean at least two meals a day. I've lost 30 lbs since this began two months ago, and my doctor is very worried that all of this stress combined with a poor diet may pull my Crohn's disease out of remission. I have nearly died from that disease several times, requiring lengthy and expensive hospitalization.

Other than that, I continue to be depressed, but then I've essentially been depressed since the 1970s. I've been treated off and on ever since then. I am not suicidal, so that should be seen as an improvement. I am very lonely, with nobody to talk with. I go days at a time without seeing or speaking to another person.

I still see this forum as therapeutic in value, and continue to welcome posts. I just don't feel like arguing with anyone. That does tend to upset me, and as my attorney says, every case is fact-specific in nature, and he is confident the facts of my case will lead to a positive outcome. The medical documentation is just too strong in my favor, according to him.

Again, I write too much!

Post Extras

Entire topic
Subject	Posted by	Posted on
Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	07/18/07 08:37 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	almostheaven	07/18/07 07:26 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	googledad	07/18/07 11:04 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	almostheaven	07/19/07 09:09 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	07/19/07 05:15 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	07/19/07 07:56 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	07/19/07 02:14 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	07/19/07 03:30 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	almostheaven	07/19/07 05:42 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	07/19/07 05:48 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	07/19/07 05:46 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/02/07 01:35 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	emilar	08/02/07 06:32 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/02/07 07:09 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	April9418	08/06/07 06:20 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/06/07 06:40 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/09/07 11:21 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	08/09/07 06:10 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/10/07 09:01 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	emilar	08/11/07 09:50 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	08/11/07 04:27 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/11/07 07:28 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	08/11/07 08:48 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/11/07 10:53 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	08/11/07 03:59 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	emilar	08/11/07 07:09 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	08/11/07 07:32 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/12/07 10:22 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	emilar	08/12/07 12:00 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/12/07 12:48 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	08/12/07 03:14 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/12/07 08:22 PM
I have an unrelated question...	almostheaven	08/12/07 09:06 PM
Re: I have an unrelated question...	Tim_M	08/12/07 09:19 PM
Re: I have an unrelated question...	almostheaven	08/12/07 10:47 PM
BTW...	almostheaven	08/12/07 10:51 PM
Re: BTW...	Relayer	08/13/07 04:15 AM
Re: BTW...	emilar	08/13/07 06:32 AM
Re: BTW...	Tim_M	08/13/07 06:46 AM
Re: BTW...	Relayer	08/13/07 08:01 AM
Re: BTW...	Tim_M	08/13/07 10:37 AM
Re: BTW...	emilar	08/16/07 11:04 AM
Re: BTW...	Tim_M	08/16/07 12:28 PM
Re: BTW...	emilar	08/17/07 08:08 AM
Re: BTW...	Tim_M	08/17/07 08:38 AM
Re: BTW...	Tim_M	08/17/07 12:24 PM
Re: BTW...	Tim_M	08/18/07 08:01 AM
Re: BTW...	Relayer	08/18/07 10:09 AM
Re: BTW...	Tim_M	08/18/07 10:15 AM
Re: BTW...	almostheaven	08/18/07 10:15 AM
Re: BTW...	Relayer	08/18/07 10:53 AM
Re: BTW...	emilar	08/18/07 11:11 AM
Re: BTW...	Tim_M	08/18/07 11:29 AM
Re: BTW...	Relayer	08/18/07 11:48 AM
Re: BTW...	Tim_M	08/18/07 02:07 PM
Re: BTW...	Relayer	08/18/07 02:46 PM
Re: BTW...	emilar	08/19/07 11:23 AM
Re: BTW...	emilar	08/29/07 07:42 PM
Re: BTW...	Tim_M	08/30/07 07:23 AM
Re: BTW...	emilar	09/29/07 08:47 PM
Re: BTW...	Tim_M	09/30/07 07:40 AM
Re: BTW...	emilar	09/30/07 09:30 AM
Re: BTW...	Tim_M	09/30/07 09:57 AM
Re: BTW...	emilar	11/13/07 05:49 PM
Re: BTW...	emilar	08/18/07 11:41 AM
Re: BTW...	Relayer	08/18/07 11:15 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/09/07 06:39 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	almostheaven	08/09/07 05:22 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/09/07 06:14 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	almostheaven	08/09/07 06:25 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/09/07 06:40 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/09/07 01:02 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	emilar	08/09/07 04:20 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/09/07 06:47 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	emilar	08/10/07 08:58 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/10/07 01:44 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	emilar	08/10/07 03:50 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	08/10/07 07:59 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	08/09/07 05:15 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	almostheaven	08/09/07 05:23 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	07/20/07 07:52 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	almostheaven	07/20/07 06:16 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	07/20/07 08:42 PM
CANCEL THEM!!!!!!	almostheaven	07/20/07 08:45 PM
Not to mention...	almostheaven	07/20/07 08:46 PM
Re: Not to mention...	Tim_M	07/20/07 08:49 PM
Re: Not to mention...	almostheaven	07/20/07 08:54 PM
Re: Not to mention...	Tim_M	07/20/07 09:00 PM
Re: Not to mention...	Tim_M	07/20/07 09:04 PM
Re: Not to mention...	Relayer	07/21/07 04:04 AM
Re: Not to mention...	Tim_M	07/21/07 11:55 AM
Exactly...	almostheaven	07/21/07 08:26 PM
Re: Exactly...	Relayer	07/22/07 05:34 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	07/20/07 08:01 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	07/20/07 09:20 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	07/20/07 10:25 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	almostheaven	07/19/07 05:48 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	07/18/07 10:13 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	07/18/07 12:55 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	07/18/07 01:50 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	07/18/07 02:13 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	08/12/07 09:36 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	jaiye	07/23/07 08:50 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	07/23/07 09:04 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	emilar	07/29/07 06:00 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	07/29/07 07:16 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	emilar	07/29/07 08:15 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	07/29/07 08:43 PM
As an aside...	almostheaven	07/29/07 09:21 PM
Re: As an aside...	Relayer	07/30/07 06:07 AM
Re: As an aside...	almostheaven	07/30/07 11:18 AM
Re: As an aside...	Tim_M	07/30/07 06:10 AM
Re: As an aside...	Relayer	07/30/07 06:30 AM
Re: As an aside...	Tim_M	07/30/07 06:36 AM
Re: As an aside...	Relayer	07/30/07 08:02 AM
Re: As an aside...	Tim_M	07/30/07 08:54 AM
Actually, you do have an out...	almostheaven	07/30/07 11:20 AM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/30/07 11:29 AM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Relayer	07/30/07 12:50 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/30/07 01:07 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Relayer	07/30/07 01:39 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/30/07 02:31 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/30/07 04:05 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	almostheaven	07/30/07 10:02 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Relayer	07/30/07 06:55 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/30/07 07:29 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	almostheaven	07/30/07 10:07 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/31/07 05:31 AM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	emilar	07/31/07 09:44 AM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/31/07 10:13 AM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	emilar	07/31/07 10:20 AM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/31/07 11:09 AM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	almostheaven	07/31/07 10:20 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	08/01/07 07:33 AM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Relayer	07/31/07 12:04 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/31/07 12:17 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Relayer	07/31/07 12:21 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	almostheaven	07/31/07 10:21 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/31/07 12:24 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	almostheaven	07/31/07 10:22 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Relayer	07/31/07 12:36 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Relayer	07/31/07 12:36 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/31/07 12:47 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	emilar	07/31/07 01:22 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/31/07 01:46 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	emilar	07/31/07 02:42 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/31/07 03:33 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	emilar	07/31/07 07:28 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/31/07 07:37 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/31/07 07:39 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	almostheaven	07/31/07 10:25 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	emilar	07/31/07 09:23 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	08/01/07 07:49 AM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	emilar	08/01/07 06:12 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	08/01/07 06:32 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	emilar	08/01/07 06:49 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	08/01/07 07:07 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	emilar	08/01/07 07:16 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	emilar	08/01/07 07:32 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Relayer	07/31/07 01:11 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/31/07 01:14 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	emilar	07/30/07 07:23 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/30/07 07:33 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	emilar	07/30/07 07:55 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/30/07 08:23 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	emilar	07/30/07 09:00 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	Tim_M	07/30/07 09:18 PM
Re: Actually, you do have an out...	emilar	07/30/07 10:07 PM
Re: As an aside...	Relayer	07/30/07 08:56 AM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	emilar	07/29/07 09:07 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	07/18/07 02:43 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	07/18/07 02:55 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	07/18/07 04:20 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	07/18/07 06:17 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Relayer	07/18/07 06:43 PM
Re: Reversed role emotional abuse	Tim_M	07/18/07 07:14 PM

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