pinkhibiscus
recently joined
Reged: 08/19/07
Posts: 4
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Re: Sorting it out
08/19/07 12:20 PM
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Thanks for reading and caring. I think what is bothering me the most right now is that I want to move on. My husband has many issues (as we all do, of course), but I've dealt with his depression, social anxiety, panic disorder anxiety for as long as I care to. The affairs have added insult to the injury. Until he went on anti-depressants last summer, he was in a continual bad mood, was verbally abusive, and basically had me walking on eggshells 24/7. My own daughters have repeatedly urged me to leave because of the way their dad is. They love him, but they know he can be extremely difficult to deal with.
Last summer (after my youngest daughter graduated college and moved away) I told my husband that something needed to change or I wanted to move on. He begged me to stay and work on the marriage, went to the doctor and got the anti-depressants and ultimately went into therapy a couple of months later. I just found out that at the very same time he begged me to stay with him, he was already in an affair. Not only did he ask the dr. for anti-depressants, he also got an Rx for levitra so he could perform for his lover. His therapist finally told him after 9 months of therapy he was wasting his money. He couldn't resolve the issue of whether he wanted to be with me or not.
To top it all off, he was diagnosed with sexual addiction in the late 90's. This really complicated intimacy with him because he was never able/willing to engage in straight sex.
I feel like I've been robbed of most of my adult life. Maybe it sounds like it's all anger, and if it is, I hope it goes away soon. But I've lived under the oppression of this man for too long. If I give myself over to this relationship one more time and he fails me again, I don't think I could go on.
Right now he's being on his best behavior because he wants to stay with me. But if what his therapist said is true, chances are he's never going to figure out what he wants. I think it's time I did what I want. Unfortunately, this is hurting a lot of people -- we both come from closely knit families who live in the area. All agree that his behavior has been abhorrent and understand why I want to split. But at the end of the conversation, they always say they'll support me if I want to stay with him. This makes me think that everyone is hoping for a reconciliation. I think my in-laws have done more crying over my situation than I have. Of course, if I start crying I'm afraid I will never stop.
I have an appointment with an attorney on Tuesday and have the name/number for a counselor who may be able to help me work through my emotions.
Thankfully, I handle all of the money for the home and the business. My husband will have to come to me for any financial information.
I think he wants to be with me because he doesn't want to handle all the red tape of life. I'm basically enabling his anxiety issues by taking care of him in every way.
Sorry to rant...I have so many thoughts and concerns right now that I can't think of anything other than this terrible situation
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