Quote:

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You are a fu__ing Bi_ch! If you were in front of me right now I would rub your face in dirt you old hag. How dare you insult the great state that I live in. You think you are so fu__ing funny, eat sh_t! I'm done with this ridiculous web site that pretends to help people and
support people when mostly all they do on here is judge and insult others. What a waste of time. I'll talk to someone whos opinion really matters and thats my lawyer!!

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West Virginia Jokes
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family ... Really!


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Q. What do West Virginians do on Halloween?

A. Pumpkin!

Q. Why do ducks fly over West Virginia upside down?

A. There's nothing worth crapping on!

Q. What do a tornado and a West Virginia divorce have in common?

A. Someone always loses a trailer.

Q. How do you know the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia?

A. If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

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Exerpts from the West Virginia Vocabulary Book

Foreclose

If I pay alimony this month, I'll have no money foreclose.

Rectum

I had two Lexus coups, but my old lady rectum.

Hotel

I gave my girlfriend crabs and the hotel everybody.

Disappointment

My parole officer told me that if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the big house.

Israel

Alozono tried to sell me a rolex watch. I said man this looks fake. He said what a joke that watch israel.

Catacomb

Don King was at the fight the other night, somebody should get that catacomb.

Undermine

There is a fine looking chick living in the apartment undermine.

Acoustic

When I was 11 my uncle bought me acoustic and took me to the pool hall.

Iraq

When we got to the pool hall I told my uncle you break Iraq.

Stain

My mother-in-law stopped by and I axed her do you plan on stain for dinner?

Seldom

Darnell gave me two tickets to the game, and I want to seldom.

Odyssey

I told my brother you odyssey the tits on that hoe.

Horde

My sister got in trouble because she horde around.

Tripoli

My ol lady wanted a bra for her birthday but I couldn't find a tripoli.

Fortify

I axed the ho how much and she said fortify is the price honey

Income

I just got in bed with lois and income my wife.

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A West Virginian walks into a hardware store and asks for a chain saw that will cut 6 trees in one hour. The salesman recommends the top of the line model. The West Virginian is suitably impressed, and buys it. The next day he brings it back, complaining that it would only cut down 1 tree and it took ALL DAY! The salesman takes the chain saw, starts it up to see what's wrong, and the West Virginian says, "What's that noise?"

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West Virginia State Residency Application

Name: ________________
(last)
(first) (_) Billy-Bob
(_) Billy-Joe
(_) Billy-Ray
(_) Billy-Sue
(_) Billy-Mae
(_) Billy-Jack
(Check appropriate box)
Age: ____
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right

CB Handle: _____________________

Occupation:
(_)Farmer
(_)Mechanic
(_)Hair Dresser
(_)Un-employed
(_)Coal Miner

Spouse's Name: __________________________

Relationship with spouse:
(_) Sister
(_) Brother
(_) Aunt
(_) Uncle
(_) Cousin
(_) Mother
(_) Father
(_) Son
(_) Daughter
(_) Pet

Number of children living in household: ___

Number that are yours: ___

Mother's Name: _______________________

Father's Name: _______________________
(If not sure, leave blank)

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home?
(Check appropriate box)

___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

___ Number of refrigerators on front porch

Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck
____ bedroom
____ bathroom
____ kitchen
____ shed

Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194__
Number of empty beer cans on floorboard or in bed of
pickup: _________

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
(_)The National Enquirer
(_)The Globe
(_)TV Guide
(_)Soap Opera Digest
(_)Gun World

___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe:
(_)Weekly
(_)Monthly
(_)Holidays
(_)Not Applicable

Color of teeth:
(_)Yellow
(_)Brownish-Yellow
(_)Brown
(_)Black
(_)No teeth
(_)N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
(_)Red-Man

How far is your home from a paved road?
(_)1 mile
(_)2 miles
(_)don't know
(_)can't get there from here

BUMPER STICKERS:
___ Eat more Possum
___ My other car is a piece of junk too
___ Honk if you love Jesus
___ If you ain't a cowboy, you ain't nothin'
___ Red-man Chewing Tobacco

Favorite Recreation: Check all that apply:
___ Square Dancin'
___ Possum Huntin'
___ Skinny Dippin'
___ Craw Daddin'
___ Gospel Singin'
___ 4-Wheelin'
___ Drankin'
___ Spittin' Backy ___ Bill Chip Trowin'
___ Honky Tonkin'
___ Noodlin'

# of Dogs: ___ Type: ___ Blue Tick ___ Beagle
___ Black & Tan ___ Bird Dawg

Cap Emblem: ___ John Deere ___ McCulloch Chain Saws
___ Budweiser ___ Vo-Tech
___ Skoal ___ Coors
___ NAPA ___ Smile if you're Not Wearing Underwear

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Careful. We don't want to learn from this.

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