BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3032
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
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Okay now, this is enough......
09/28/07 09:24 AM
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Little miss, I'm using a double screen to answer your post because you feel as if you've been the injured one here.
First of all, you are absolutely correct that none of us know the entire ins and outs of your situation. However, the only reason that is is because you didn't POST them. We can only answer based on the information given.
In an earlier post, you stated you moved four hours away to be near extended family, now you state they don't see that family. Which is it and how do you expect us to know the difference?
You state that your husband is taking the job no matter what -- isn't he now doing the same thing? Making money far more important than your relationship with him and his sons? That's not right, missy, in any sense of the word. I can assure you, that if that paltry amount of money was worth more to my husband than our marraige, he'd be heading there with a signed separation agreement in his hand and we'd be on the road to divorce. A marriage isn't supposed to have a price tag.
You have the right to pursue any career goal you choose to and perhaps you SHOULD choose to, then you wouldn't be competely dependent on anyone to provide your living and be at their mercy, for that's what you are. I didn't go to nursing school until my youngest child started schhol. Was it difficult? Oh, HELL yes! Was it worth it? Well, let's see -- I bought my house without anyone's help and have paid for it myself and continue to do so. I pay my bills, my kids dress in Old Navy and Billabong, I dress in Old Navy and Roxy. We have food on the table for every meal. We go on family vacations twice a summer. Christmases and birthdays are pretty darn good in this house. I've bought MYSELF over 10K in jewelry because I WANTED to and I COULD. Then I got married last November. My husband pays my car payment, my gym membership and our medical insurance **for MY kids also** He then puts the largest portion of his check away for OUR retirement. Works out pretty even. He also owns a house that is currently rented.
No one has been deliberately cruel to you, BB. You simply wanted folks to validate what you said and when you post here, that sometimes happens but more often doesn't. You sound very young and are definitely inexperienced in this arena. If you stay in WV and your hubby leaves for 20k? There's soemthing WRONG there. Have you no skills? Could you not make up that 20K a year by working? Kids don't always have to be in daycare for two parents to work -- there are many many jobs that use alternate shifts -- I work three twelve hour shifts per week, Friday/Saturday/Sunday. I am an RN. My shift differential is only slightly less than that 20K your husband will make by moving. Then there's my salary. Do I LIKE working all weekends? Heck no I don't! But my husband works 2-10 and I get to be HOME with my children for most of the week -- his days off change and he's there for them. Why wouldn't that work for you?
You owe me no apology, I assure you, I lost no sleep over what you said but it WAS inappropriate and I don't appreciate being threatened in any way, shape or form. I also don't appreciate your funny little **joke** although my husband laughed his head off when I repeated it to him.
NO ONE has been unnecessarily cruel, we've just told you what is likely to happen, based on our experience, especially Relayer. His story is HORRIFIC and he just keeps working for his kids the best he can. Instead of being defensive, try LISTENING to what people are saying. If ANY lawyer is telling you that you have more than a 1 or 2 percent chance of moving, they're LYING.
You ask why your ex is free to do as he chooses and pursue any goal he chooses to -- it's because he does NOT have custody of your childre, YOU do. It's only limiting if you ALLOW it to be. You can do anything you want to do, but you have to take care of your children FIRST.
As I said to the OP, think creatively. What can you do to help your family's finances? Can YOU work an alternative shift so that the children don't have to be with a sitter or in daycare?
And my situation isn't a whole lot different from yours -- I want to leave the area I live in and so does my husband. We HATE the city we live in. BUT, his son, 50 miles away comes FIRST. We won't move until after he graduates from high school. Period. No discussion. If I wanted a divorce, I could leave tomorrow. My husband and his CHILD are more important to me.
There are lots of alternatives to this situation, miss. If YOUR husband isn't willing to consider them, then there's a bigger problem here.
I wish you luck and would be interested in knowing the outcome of your plight -- but sadly, I think that it'll be exactly what I and other posters have stated -- you MAY get permission to move with your children but that magnificent 20K will be eaten up in airline tickets, decreased child support, long distance charges and other assorted payouts so that your children can maintain their relationship with their father.
20K is just slightly less than $400 per week -- have you looked at flight costs? Gas prices to drive them back? You want your children away from you for an entire summer? Every extended school vacation? Even without a financial incentive, I think the price for this move is far too high.
In addition, if anonymous posters on an internet mesage board can get you to tears? You need to polish up the armor because if WE can do that WHAT is your ex going to be able to drive you to? Need a tougher shell little miss.....or those **big girl panties**
Think about it......I can't see a good side to this.
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